Not Quite Random
by Cheshire6845
Summary: AU for the episode Random Thoughts. Guill told Tuvok "There must be violent thoughts to be had from your shipmates whether they want to share them or not." This stems from that.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimers:** They don't belong to me, but the more stories we write about them the longer they stay relevant.

**Warnings:** I don't think this story quite crosses into M territory, but it comes close a time or two so avert your eyes if/when you feel the need.

**Notes:** I'm posting in parts, but fear not, the story is finished with the ink still drying on the ending. The plan is to post daily as I incorporate tweaks and last minute changes until the whole thing is posted.

Many many thanks to Quantumsilver for once again being a fabulous beta. I couldn't do it without you! However, all mistakes are mine since I played with it after your efforts.

* * *

**Not Quite Random by Cheshire**

Janeway took a step forward feeling the rocks grind beneath her boot and sink further into the dirt. The remains of trees and upturned earth around her still smoldered from weapons fire, obscuring her vision. Her hand clenched tighter around the grip of the phaser rifle. She knew there was someone there. Even as her eyes watered from the smoke, she desperately tried to see her opponent in the darkness, but boulders and downed trees with their roots upturned blocked her at every avenue.

Fucking Cardassians.

Her entire patrol wiped out. Picked off one at a time, until only she remained. They'd fought back and killed at least three of the spoonheads themselves, but now she was alone. The fact that she too hadn't been brought down by a long distance shot probably meant they wanted to take her alive. And if that was the case, that meant they had to be closing in on her. Circling her as though she was prey.

But she'd be damned if she was going to be anyone's prey.

The muscle in her right forearm was starting to cramp, and she forced herself to momentarily relax the stranglehold she had on the rifle. The bumps of the grip were practically embedded in her palm, she held it so tightly. She heard movement to her right, and she threw herself back against the boulder she'd been inching past. Her pulse raced, and she swallowed tightly as she tried to breathe quietly and not give away her position.

Sweat from her left palm trickled down her wrist, stinging the abrasions she already had there. Her grip on the rifle's barrel was becoming slick, and she cautiously knelt down. Her eyes flicked around her surroundings again. Still nothing. She dropped her hand to the dirt at her feet and felt it coat her sweaty palm and then immediately brushed the excess off on her pants leg before returning her grip to the rifle. She stood, feeling the protest in her knees, and began to move forward again, keeping her back to the boulder.

"_This is taking too long."_

Janeway heard the voice but ignored it. It didn't belong. It wasn't Cardassian, and it made no difference to her current circumstances. She continued to slide forward, clearing the protection of the boulder, and finding herself faced with more destroyed jungle. She had to get through it to make it back to her base camp.

Small rocks skittered down to her from the top of the boulder and she whirled, bringing the phaser up as a heavy weight crashed into her from above, slamming her to the ground. The bastard had been above her! She squeezed the trigger on the rifle and saw the bright orange line flare harmlessly into the trees even as the heavy weight that had fallen on her pinned the weapon down to her chest.

Rocks were digging into her back, and all she could see was the leer of the Cardassian straddling her. His bone white face was entirely too close to hers as he used his formidable weight to push even closer to her. Janeway shifted her grip on the rifle's barrel and pushed out with it, managing to create some distance between them. Her arms were shaking with the exertion, but she dug her boots into the destroyed ground and twisted her hips, throwing off the Cardassian's weight.

He rolled with it, snarling, and dragging her with him as they both held onto the rifle. She landed on top of him this time.

A smile flitted across his features. "Sorry Starfleet, but I prefer my women to be under me."

He let go of the rifle with one hand, curled it into a fist, and slammed it into her ribs. Janeway grunted but managed to crush the rifle down against his neck. His fist crashed into her twice more before he brought his hand back to the rifle, pushing back against her grip. He barred his teeth and then bucked his hips forward, pushing her forward and off balance so that she was further over his head. Bringing his knees up, he forced her completely past his shoulder.

Janeway absorbed the hit and rolled over him, maintaining her precarious hold on the rifle as she did, trying to regain her footing before he did. He moved faster, slamming into her once again before she could right herself, and they crashed further into the trees, arms and legs fighting for any advantage they could. The energy from the rifle flared again, and this time Janeway felt it singe her hair and burn perilously close to her neck. The damned thing was pointed more at her than it was at him. She growled with exertion, trying to wrench it and herself away from him.

And then the rifle flew from her hands and a knee slammed into her chest, knocking the breath from her. No longer able to completely comprehend her movements, Janeway scrambled backwards, feeling her legs slip through the Cardassian's steely grip. She kicked out and felt her boot make contact as his head snapped backwards. Moving as fast as she could, she created more space between the two of them.

She managed to take a single breath into her aching lungs before he was on her again. With no rifle between them, his chest slammed full force into her face, stunning her as his suffocating weight pushed her further into the ground. He was fighting with her hands and managed to trap them above her head, laying his entire body against hers. Blood dripped from his face onto hers as one of his knees insinuated itself between her thighs.

The Cardassian brought his knee up, grinding it against her, and even though she'd half expected it, Janeway couldn't help but yell in frightened frustration. He laughed. Her heels dug again into the dirt, desperately trying to find purchase in the chewed-up ground as he easily held both of her hands with only one of his while the other moved in between their meshed bodies. She struggled madly, twisting as much as she could against him, refusing to let this happen. He continued to laugh at her pitiful struggles even as he raised his hips slightly so his roaming hand could have access to her waist.

One of her hands slipped free from his grip. She raised her knee to the outside of his waist, feeling him laugh as her movements ground him further against her. Her free hand reached for her boot. The knife concealed there slid easily from its sheath, and she wrapped her hand around the hilt for all she was worth. Looking into his face for the first time, she saw the moment of confusion in his eyes when she stopped struggling.

And then she sunk the knife into his neck all the way to the hilt. His mouth opened in a small "oh" and his hands immediately went to the wound that was now gushing blood onto both of them. Never letting go of the weapon, she dragged it through thick cartilage as she wriggled away from him, pulling herself and the blade free. He slumped to the ground, still gasping for air and twitching slightly as his muscles tried desperately to get the air and blood they needed.

Lieutenant Kathryn Janeway got unsteadily to her feet and looked down on him, watching as the life slowly left him.

"Yes!" a voice cried out exuberantly. "You _are_…intoxicating!"

Captain Kathryn Janeway felt her knees hit a solid surface, and the present came crashing back to her. The cold air of the room filled her lungs as she gasped at the recollection of over fifteen years ago. Still feeling dazed, she looked up to see the dark-haired alien from the market rejoicing. He turned and saw her watching him.

His eyes blazed with a ferocity she hadn't been expecting. "Thank you, Captain." He returned to her side, and she felt hands dig into her arms, restraining her movements. "The memories from you and your crew are going to make me a very wealthy man."

She blinked, still trying to make sense of the situation. "What…what just happened?"

"Yes," he nodded and placed his hands on both sides of her face, ignoring her attempts to shake him off. "Yes, Captain, show me what happened next."


	2. Chapter 2

For all disclaimers etc. check pt. 1 Other than that...enjoy.

* * *

***8 hours earlier***

"I'm sorry Mister Guill, but that's my final offer," Janeway stated.

"Actually, Captain, I sense you'd be willing to raise your price to three hundred renns," the dark-haired seller countered. "Lieutenant Torres needs this resonator coil to upgrade Voyager's communications."

"Telepaths," B'Elanna growled darkly from Janeway's side. The man smirked and tipped his head to her.

"Wait a minute," Janeway held up a finger. "I sense you'd be willing to settle for two fifty!"

"You must have read my mind," he responded before stepping out from behind the table and smoothly stepping between the starship captain and a man that came barreling around the corner. The man's bulk caused Guill to bump into Janeway's shoulder as she counted out the unfamiliar currency, but he continued on his way without stopping. Guill stepped back from the human. "My apologies, Captain. He must've been in a hurry."

"No harm done," she replied and handed over the currency.

"He could've at least stopped and apologized," B'Elanna groused, frowning at the departing back of the man.

Guill seemed to study her for a moment before replying. "I'm sure it wasn't intentional."

B'Elanna frowned and rolled her eyes. "Captain, I'll go get Neelix."

Janeway nodded absently as she inspected the coil. "It's been a pleasure doing business with you, Mister Guill."

"The pleasure has been mine, Captain, and I'll be sure to keep an eye out for that other part you need."

"Other part?" she asked, looking up at him curiously. "What other part?"

He smiled knowingly. "A Borg transwarp coil."

Color flushed the Captain's cheeks, and she stepped closer to Guill. "How did you…did you pull that from my thoughts?"

Her tone had taken on a decidedly dangerous edge, and Guill backed off. "My apologies, Captain. I was only hoping to help you in your journey home. I did not intend to…invade your privacy."

She straightened and dropped her hands to her sides. "It's my fault, Mister Guill. I shouldn't have been thinking about it anyway."

"It's no crime to want the best solution for your people, Captain," he argued, "and I have heard of a trader or two that have been known to brave Borg debris zones. Your desire is not outside the realm of possibility."

Janeway glanced around and noticed B'Elanna returning from the far side of the market. "Well, we're only here for two days, Mister Guill, and I wouldn't want you to go to any trouble."

"It's no trouble at all, Captain," he countered. "If I come across one, should I contact you?"

She hesitated before giving him a nod and a tight smile. "Yes."

"Neelix is still flirt– I mean cataloging produce, Captain," B'Elanna said, rejoining them. "Are you ready to go back to the ship?"

Janeway nodded absently at her while still holding the telepath's eye. "I look forward to hearing from you, Mister Guill."

He inclined his head as the two women departed and then he exhaled. It would take some planning, but with a little bit of luck he knew he could soon be a very rich man.

* * *

"Frane!"

The man sitting on the bench got to his feet and scowled. "What _was_ that, Guill? I was in the perfect position to get that ridge-headed offlander riled up."

"I know exactly what you were doing, Frane," Guill smiled darkly. "Her mind is exquisite and full of wonderful possibilities, but she isn't the only one."

Frane scowled. "What do you mean?"

"These Voyagers…_all_ of them have such wonderful potential. We need to get as many of them as possible, but we can't just run into _all_ of them," Guill sneered. "We need to plan this."

Frane considered the statement for a few minutes, then offered, "They've been given accommodations at the Mileis Ohno. One of our patrons works there. I'm sure he would be happy to help us out."

Guill nodded. "Good. That'll work. We'll also need to bring in the doctor."

"What do we need that sick bastard for?"

"A lot of the memories we'll be able to get while these Voyagers sleep without them ever knowing, but those won't be the best ones." Guill paced as he talked. "No, the best memories, we'll have to go deeper for, but we can't allow them to remember what's happened."

Frane paled. "You're going to have him do anagrammatic extraction on these aliens?"

"No," Guill acknowledged. "I'm not that cruel, but I do want him on hand to administer a blocker."

"But you know the blockers eventually fade. They'll remember what we've done."

"But not until they're far away from here." Guill was unconcerned. "They're trying to get home, Frane. They aren't going to turn around and come back here after they're thousands of light years away."

"Maybe," Frane allowed.

"It'll be worth it," Guill growled. "You just take care of the hotel clerk and let me worry about the doctor and what memories to get."

The other man nodded and then gave a knowing smile. "Which one do you think will be the best?"

A shudder ran through Guill as he remembered the power he'd felt with only the briefest of touches. It had been intoxicating, and his blood thrilled at just the thought of it. "The Captain. Her memories will be…exquisite."

* * *

*The time is 0700. The time is 0700. The time is 0700.*

"Com-computer…turn off…alarm," Kathryn ground out, squeezing her eyes shut at the pulsating pain behind her eyes. "And dim lights…by fifty percent."

*Unable to comply. Cabin lights are currently at zero percent.*

"Damn," she muttered. "Reduce audio volume by fifty percent."

*Command acknowledged.*

Slowly, she stretched her arm out to her side only to feel it drop to the floor, her fingertips brushing the carpet. Carefully lifting her head, Kathryn realized she was lying face down on the couch in the front room of her quarters. "What the hell?"

Against her better judgment, Janeway reached up to the top of the back of the couch and pulled herself up and around until she was able to slump into a sitting position. Her head pulsed, and she had to close her eyes for several minutes, taking deep breaths, and hoping like hell the contents of her stomach would remain in their rightful place. She tried to think what she could have possibly done to feel this bad and came up with nothing. Swallowing thickly, she addressed the computer, "Computer…did I leave the ship…last night?"

*Affirmative.*

"What time…did I return…to my quarters?"

*Kathryn Janeway entered her quarters at 0330.*

Opening her eyes again but still with reservation, she took in the fact that she was still wearing her boots and uniform. She raised an unsteady hand to her comm. badge. "Janeway to the bridge."

*Kim here. Go ahead, Captain.*

She flinched at his eager and exceptionally loud voice and could only guess at how her voice must sound to him. "Ensign…did I check in with the bridge last night…upon arriving back on the ship?"

He hesitated in his reply, making her feel more than slightly foolish for having to ask. She could only hope that Tom hadn't arrived early for his shift, knowing he'd make a point to get in a smart remark about it later.

*There are no call records to indicate that, Captain.*

She frowned, trying to concentrate on what prompted her to leave. "Did I receive any comm. traffic last night?"

*Let me check…yes, ma'am, you received an incoming message from the planet at 2035, and transporter logs show you leaving the ship at 2055.*

Bless him for including that last bit of information without her having to ask for it. "Thank you, Harry. Janeway out." She looked warily across the room at her desk terminal and decided against moving just yet. "Computer, replay message received at 2035 last night, audio only."

*Captain Janeway, good evening. Based on our previous discussion, I believe I have found a trader with the particular item that you were looking for. He is willing to meet with you to discuss options. He will be available this evening at 2100. We will look for you at the trading center of town.*

Hearing the voice of the trader Guill, Janeway remembered leaving her quarters and heading for the transporter room, but then…nothing. But why? And why did her head feel like it was going to explode? As much as she hated to consider it, she would have to make a trip down to sickbay. The fact that she had gone down to the planet and remembered nothing for the apparently six hours that she was down there was much too troubling.

She groaned and laid her head back; Chakotay would have a fit when he found out about this.


	3. Chapter 3

Check pt 1 for the odds and ends info...

* * *

An hour later, Janeway was doing her best to look as though she did not feel as bad as she did. Walking down the corridors towards sickbay, however, it seemed as if she was running in to every single crew member that was on board. After the first two, she stopped acknowledging them. It made her feel guilty to do so, but even the slight inclination of her head was more than she could handle at the moment. Hopefully they would think she just had a lot on her mind and not that she was being too much of a bitch. But even if they did think the latter, she really couldn't care too much at the moment.

The turbolift doors opened, depositing her on deck five, and one of the main people she didn't want to see was standing there waiting for the lift. She straightened and tried to manage a facial expression that wasn't a grimace.

"Tom," she acknowledged.

"Captain," he replied just as solemnly as they switched places.

Despite how she felt, Kathryn couldn't help herself. She stopped and eyed him more closely, only to find him doing the same to her. "Are you all right, Mister Paris?"

"Of course, Captain," he replied evenly but with none of his trademark swagger. "And yourself?"

"Fine," she answered tightly, still appraising him and not able to ignore that he looked the way she felt. "Did you have shore leave yesterday?"

"Yes, ma'am. Last night."

He was offering nothing extra, but out of a sense of decorum he wasn't simply tucking tail and running away from her, either. No, he was actually leaning against the door of the lift. She envied him that he had managed to do that and still make it look natural. "I see." She eyed the bulkhead, but it was too far away for her to use as support. She should just end the conversation, but she felt compelled to ask. "Did you have an enjoyable evening?"

Tom actually grimaced before giving her a shadow of his usual cocky smile. "Yes, very enjoyable – at least the parts that I can remember, Captain." He ducked his head and missed the surprised look on her face. "That red flower ale of theirs certainly packs a punch."

"Indeed," she muttered, wondering if that was the simplest answer to her memory problem this morning. Nothing more than a hangover. A hangover the likes of which she hadn't had since her first days at the Academy, when she had foolishly tried to match drinks with her Bolian roommate. _That_ had been one hell of a night.

Tom cleared his throat. "Well, if you'll excuse me, Captain."

"Of course, Tom. I'll see you on the bridge."

He grimaced again before stepping back into the lift. "Be careful, Captain. The Doctor has already treated a dozen cases this morning. He's ready to award himself a medal."

The doors of the lift closed before she could respond, and she knew her pilot had done it on purpose, but she couldn't fault him. She turned towards sickbay, in fact, she should probably thank him for the warning.

The doors to sickbay slid open at her approach, and Janeway was ready to bite the hologram's head off if he made even one single wrong comment, but she came to a halt at the sight of his current patient.

"Chakotay?"

Her first officer grimaced even as the Doctor administered a hypospray to his neck. "Please. Captain…not so loud."

She couldn't help but give him a grin and feel a bit relieved that apparently she was not the only one that had imbibed last night. The grin faded quickly when the Doctor turned his attention to her.

"Ah, Captain, what brings you here this fine morning?" He approached her with an open tricorder. "Or do I really even have to ask?"

"Less sarcasm and more confidentiality would go a long way this morning, Doctor," she snapped.

He scanned her torso with the instrument. "Yes, well, less caffeine and more food of actual substance would help you incredibly, but I suppose I shouldn't ask for miracles this early in the morning." He motioned towards a biobed. "Have a seat, Captain."

Easing her way onto the indicated biobed, she addressed Chakotay, "Commander, do we still have that EMH backup module?"

Catching on quickly, he glanced at the Doctor. "Yes, of course, but I believe it's only got the _basic_ parameters."

She shrugged. "That's all right." She leveled her glare at the hologram. "That's all we really need, isn't it?"

The Doctor harrumphed while adjusting a hypospray. "One day, Captain, my program really will decompile and then you'll miss my extra subroutines."

"Don't count on it," Janeway growled, earning a quick grin from Chakotay.

He administered the hypospray to her neck. "Yes, well, be that as it may, this medicinal cocktail should begin to work within the hour."

"An hour?" she asked, feeling incredulous and more than a bit dismayed. "Why so long?"

"That wasn't synthehol you consumed, Captain." He took the opportunity of her sitting still to record her blood pressure and conduct a few standard physical tests. "Its main components have to be broken down before the other medicines can take effect."

Now she understood why Tom had still looked so unsteady. Without even noticing, the Doctor had managed to get her mouth open and was shining a light towards the back of her throat. Before she could really muster up any indignation, he'd released her chin and reached for his reflex hammer. "Doctor. What. Do you think you are doing?"

He straightened and the smug look on his face vanished, then he shrugged. "On this ship, one must take advantage of any opportunity given."

"Computer-"

The EMH held up a hand. "Please, Captain, allow me, but if you have any further problems please return immediately." At the narrowing of Janeway's eyes, he heaved a holographic sigh. "Computer, deactivate EMH."

A moment of blissful silence filled sickbay as the EMH disappeared, and Janeway thought about how nice it would feel if only she could disappear for a few hours.

"So?"

Sighing as her momentary fantasy evaporated, Janeway looked across at Chakotay, still feeling testy. "What?"

Chakotay slid off the biobed and moved to stand next to her. "I'd like to say that I enjoyed last night…but I don't really remember."

She eyed him warily. "What are you talking about?"

"I joined you last night when you went down to the planet." He offered his hand to help her get down.

She gaped at him. "You'd think I'd at least remember that."

His eyebrows rose. "You don't?"

"No." She accepted his hand and got to her feet. "Thank you. Do you know if we even met with Guill?"

"We went down there to meet someone?" He chuckled dryly and shook his head then winced at the movement. "I have no idea, Kathryn. I don't even know how we made it back to the ship."

They reached the doors of sickbay, and she paused. "Maybe we should make that ale off-limits to the crew."

"To make it an official medical advisory, you'll have to reactivate the doctor." He glanced back over his shoulder at the empty sickbay.

Her lip curled in distaste at the idea, and she headed out into the corridor. "Maybe I'll comm. him from the bridge."

"So why were you meeting this…Guill?" Chakotay asked as they reached the turbolift. "I'm sure you told me last night, but…"

"He was a trader I met earlier in the afternoon in the marketplace. He called me to let me know he'd found a part I was looking for," she answered his question and frowned. "At this point, I don't even know if I got it or not." She turned to face him. "Don't you find it the least bit odd that we don't remember _anything_ from last night?"

Her abrupt change of topic caught him off guard, and he almost shrugged off the easiest answer. More than once in the Maquis, after they'd flown particularly dangerous missions, he'd gotten drunk enough that he hadn't remembered anything the next day. He'd even done it a couple of times on purpose when he'd lost multiple members of his cell at a time. But the more he thought about her question and why she'd asked it, the more he agreed. He'd been a different man then than he was now, and Kathryn usually only drank at diplomatic functions while on alien planets. And never more than one or two drinks. It just wasn't smart business to get completely inebriated when you were the captain of a starship in the Delta Quadrant. Not to mention, her ingrained hatred at the loss of _any_ control, much less control of herself…

"Chakotay?"

"Sorry," he realized she was still waiting on an answer from him. "I hadn't really thought about it much, but I can look into it if you like."

"I'd appreciate it," she said, patting him lightly on the arm. "I'd feel a lot better about this whole thing if I knew at least where we were last night and what we did."

"Consider it done," he promised as the lift arrived at the bridge.

Janeway had no more than stepped out of the lift when Tuvok greeted her with the announcement that she had an incoming message from the planet's surface. "A Mister Guill wishes to speak with you."

She exchanged a quick look with Chakotay before gesturing to the side of the bridge. "I'll take it in my ready room."

Stopping first at the replicator, Janeway made sure she had her coffee in hand before activating her view screen. "Mister Guill, good morning."

"Good morning to you, Captain. I trust you had an enjoyable evening."

Something about his expression immediately put Janeway on edge. For some reason she couldn't distinguish, he seemed more menacing this morning than when she'd met him yesterday. "I…yes, of course. Thank you for asking."

He smiled but it didn't reach his dark eyes. "I apologize that the trade I arranged last night was not acceptable, but I'd like to try again this evening. I have another dealer lined up that I believe will better fit your standards."

Damn, she really wished she could remember what had taken place, but at least she knew now that she had not made any deals. She should probably quit while she was ahead. "Mister Guill…that really is outside of our usual procedures."

He smiled conspiratorially. "A Borg transwarp coil on a Federation starship is outside of usual procedures isn't it, Captain?"

A chill ran through her at his seemingly familiar interaction with her. Why did it feel like he was talking down to her? As though he knew something she didn't. She leaned back in her desk chair, knowing it made her more difficult to see on the small view screen and snapped out rather waspishly. "Starfleet procedures are hardly your purview, Mister Guill."

He straightened and seemed quite quelled by her tone. "My apologies, Captain, if I've offended you. I just know…I _understand_ how important it is for you to get home, and this part could help you achieve that goal." He paused, ensuring that he had her attention still before adding, "With the skill of your crew, I'm sure this coil could take _years_ off of your trip."

Her breath stuck in her throat. So far, she'd discussed this idea of using Borg components with no one on Voyager. She had only allowed herself to give it the briefest of consideration until Guill had resuscitated the idea. Some quick calculations the previous day had already given her the answer to his assumption. Taking a sip of coffee, she studied him over the rim of the cup still not able to pinpoint the cause of her unease with him. His head tilted in question at her silence, and she offered the answer to his speculation. "Possibly twenty years."

"_Twenty_ years." Guill repeated in appreciation. He leaned in towards the screen and gave her a small grin. "It seems to me that it might be worth _bending_ a few harmless procedures, Captain, in order to get your crew home _twenty_ years sooner."

She swallowed thickly, unable to deny how many times she had told herself that exact same thing. It occurred to her that since he was a telepath he may have used that exact phrasing intentionally…but it didn't make the meaning behind it any less. Pushing aside her groundless misgivings concerning him, she nodded and graced him with a tight smile. "I'd be happy to meet with your contact this evening, Mister Guill."


	4. Chapter 4

Notes and disclaimers...see pt 1

* * *

A few hours later, the chime for the ready room door sounded, and Janeway looked up irritably. "Come in."

Chakotay came in, grim-faced and holding a PADD in his hand. Kathryn held up her hand warningly, "My day has not gotten any better since you last saw me, Commander. Choose your next words carefully."

He shrugged in futility. "You may want to get another cup of coffee for this, Kathryn."

Her face paled slightly. "Is it that bad?"

"It's…awkward."

She paused at the replicator to look back at him. "Is this about last night?"

He nodded.

"Coffee. Black." She eyed him warily, taking in his defeated posture, while waiting for her beverage to be produced. Taking the warm mug in her hands, she made her way back to her desk and took a bracing sip before giving him a nod. "Tell me."

Chakotay was sitting, literally slumped into the chair across from her desk. He gave her no preamble knowing she wouldn't want one. "We were at a hotel last night. Together."

Kathryn choked slightly on her coffee and took a quick swipe at her mouth. She put the mug down. "I assume you don't mean we were simply sitting in the lobby together."

He shook his head.

Crossing her legs underneath her desk, Kathryn paid much closer attention to how she was physically feeling than she had previously. Nothing felt out of the ordinary. Sadly. She cleared her throat. "Well, I don't think we _did_ anything, Chakotay."

He, too, shifted somewhat uncomfortably in his seat. "No, I agree…but," he cleared his throat, "we were seen together at the bar, and we did check into a room." He paused. "Actually, according to the desk clerk I spoke with, we were _encouraged_ to check into a room."

Kathryn felt heat rush into her cheeks. "I see…and did you check–"

Chakotay was already nodding. "I scanned the room and there was sufficient evidence to suggest that we had both indeed been in there...for several hours."

She leaned forward and lowered her voice, as though someone could possibly over hear them. "But we _didn't_, Chakotay. I mean…I'd _know_."

He only held her eye for a minute before looking down. "Doesn't mean we didn't do…_other_ activities."

He heard her sit back in her chair again, but he couldn't quite bring himself to look at her. By the spirits, he didn't know which was worse. The fact that she seemed appalled by the possibility of what they _could_ have done. Or that he couldn't remember a damn thing about what they _might_ have done. He had always thought if given that particular opportunity with her, it would rank pretty high on things he'd remember for the rest of his life.

"Well," she cleared her throat, "I suppose I'll just be thankful it wasn't Mister Paris or Mister Kim that accompanied me last night."

Chakotay's head snapped up. "Kathryn?"

Feeling more than a little flustered, but trying desperately to hide it, she got to her feet. "Was there anything else, Commander?"

He stood. "You don't want to talk about this?"

"What's to talk about?" She crossed back towards the replicator just to have something to do. "Neither of us remembers anything, and we can't change what happened…" she turned back to him and shrugged futilely. "We don't even know _what_ happened."

"Or _if_ anything happened," he offered.

"Exactly," she sounded relieved, "and since we can't confirm any of this, I'd suggest we not worry about it. It's not even worth mentioning in any…logs."

Chakotay tugged on his ear.

Janeway felt her shoulders drop. "What?"

"There are…transporter logs," he admitted.

She _really_ wished she could remember something from last night. _Anything_ would be nice. She rallied. "Well, from what you told me earlier, we left the ship together. It would be perfectly natural that we come back at the same time."

"Except that we didn't."

Now she was even more confused. "We didn't come back at the same time?"

He shook his head. "Apparently, I called for a beam out five minutes _after_ you."

"Oh," she considered that for a moment. "But from the same coordinates?"

He nodded, his already dark skin becoming darker. "The exact same."

"I see." Janeway circled the desk and propped herself against it. Despite the seriousness of the situation, it was really beginning to sink in just how ridiculous it was as well. "Smooth Commander, very smooth."

He looked up at her, surprised, but seeing the glint of mirth in her eyes, realized she was kidding, and he felt some of the tension leave his shoulders. "Apparently, I should brush up on my protocols for clandestine meetings."

"I'd say so," she agreed. "So which crewman was on duty in the transporter room and believes they've finally won Tom's betting pool?"

"Crewman Yosa," he supplied and continued before she could ask, "and I've already spoken with him. Luckily, he was waiting until Tom got off bridge duty today to talk to him. I explained to him the more proper use of discretion."

Kathryn smiled and shook her head. "Maybe some extra replicator rations in his account would ease the sting."

"Already taken care of."

"Does that mean you won't have any extra rations for me to steal at the end of the month?" she asked, still smiling.

"It means, Captain, that if you don't want to end up drinking Neelix's better-than-coffee substitute, you better go easy on the caffeine for the next two weeks."

She eyed him suspiciously. "Why do I think you did that on purpose?"

He began backing towards the door but couldn't help his dimples showing when he grinned. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"You're dismissed, Commander."

"Yes, ma'am," he said and made a quick exit.

"You just better hope we don't run into the Borg in the next two weeks," she muttered to the closed doors and looked more forlornly at the cup of coffee on her desk. "Or that I have many more days like today."

* * *

At the end of the alpha shift, the chime for Chakotay's office door sounded, and he looked up from the roster he was scheduling. "Come in."

Still moving a bit slower than usual, Janeway entered. "You escaped the bridge too, I see."

Chakotay smiled at his captain's playful jibe. Considering how their mornings had started, he was happily surprised at her humorous acceptance of the situation. "They say rank has its privileges. I found that to be the happy truth today."

"Poor Tom, I think if I'd had to sit out there all day, I would've phasered someone," she said as she absently rubbed the back of her neck with one hand.

"Headache still bothering you?"

She waved him off. "Just the usual."

He smiled grimly, noticing that she had immediately dropped her hand when he'd mentioned it. He could easily help her, but he'd have to work around to it. Charging at her straight on was never a strategy that worked. "What can I do for you, Kathryn? Coffee?"

Kathryn genuinely smiled as he was already headed for the replicator, knowing she rarely, if ever, refused her favorite beverage. "Actually no…maybe you should save those rations," she said with a wink, "but I was hoping I could convince you to join me for dinner." She paused. "Down on the planet."

Turning away from the replicator, Chakotay slowly rounded the desk until he was standing directly in front of her, looking down into her eyes. She looked distinctly uncomfortable at his nearness but true to Janeway form, she held her ground.

"What?" she asked.

"Refusing coffee, voluntarily leaving the ship for a few hours of shore leave, _and_ planning on consuming actual food." He shook his head. "You aren't Kathryn Janeway."

She growled a little in the back of her throat. "If you must know, Commander, I'm going down to the planet for business. I just thought that perhaps you would care to join me."

He'd only been playing around, but he noticed something in her eyes that he hadn't been expecting. A flicker of apprehension. He took a step back. "What business?"

"I'm meeting again with that trader I told you about. Mister Guill."

"And?" he leaned back against his desk, knowing that she was holding something back.

"And," she drawled out, obviously not wanting to make the admission to him, "I…don't particularly…like him."

"Why not?" he pressed.

"I don't know," she admitted. "There's just…_something_ about him."

Chakotay considered that. "Then why are you trading with him?"

"Because he has the component that I want."

"And what component would that be?"

"A transwarp coil."

"A transwarp coil," he repeated and then pushed himself away from his desk. "You mean, a _Borg_ transwarp coil?"

"Yes. It's an idea I had when Seven first came on board. I wondered if it would be possible to adapt one of their transwarp coils to Voyager," she explained hurriedly. "If it works, it could take years off of our trip."

Chakotay sighed, knowing how fascinated she got with the idea of enhancing their technology. He probably should have seen this coming. "And you just happened to ask the one trader that had one lying around?"

"No, actually," she admitted, frowning. "He brought it up and arranged for someone else to bring it here."

"Hopefully he's not getting it from a Borg."

Now she frowned at _him_. "I rather doubt it. It'll be five – ten minutes tops. He'll either have it and we'll trade for it, or he won't and we can go to dinner that much earlier." She paused. "Will you go with me?"

"Of course," he nodded but then held one finger up, "but no ale."

She smiled at him. "Agreed."


	5. Chapter 5

Yada yada yada....see pt 1...and forgive me...I took a few liberties with a certain scene. ;)

* * *

Arriving at the town's shopping square, Janeway immediately pointed out Guill to Chakotay. "That's him."

"Not too many people around this time of night," Chakotay commented, keeping close to her side as they moved forward to greet the trader. Although there were only a few people milling around in the square, it felt to him like more than one of them was more interested in their arrival than it warranted.

"Captain Janeway, a pleasure to see you again," Guill greeted them, "and Commander Chakotay, what an unexpected surprise."

Chakotay nodded at him. "Hope I'm not intruding."

"Of course not," Guill remarked. "I'm always pleased to see my buyers return. Did you enjoy the ale last night?"

Kathryn turned and looked up at Chakotay with one eyebrow raised and a hint of amusement in her eyes. He frowned at her, but answered Guill. "It was fine."

"I'll be sure to let the proprietor know." Guill turned his eager attention back to Janeway. "Captain, I do believe we will be able to do business tonight. My contact from a neighboring system was able to procure the part you wanted for a very reasonable price."

She inclined her head. "Naturally, I'd like to examine it before we begin discussing its possible value."

"Of course, Captain, of course. If you'll follow me." He turned and began walking away.

Janeway cleared her throat, not following him. "Mister Guill, where are you going?"

He retraced his steps back to them and lowered his voice. "I prefer to trade for this indoors, Captain. People around here don't really like the idea of having Borg technology around. You understand?"

Chakotay could easily understand being uncomfortable around anything related to the Borg. He indicated the door that Guill had been heading towards and asked, "Is that your home, then?"

"My office," Guill answered, his eyes flashing momentarily at Chakotay. He gestured towards it. "Will you join me?"

The two officers exchanged a quick look before following the trader the short distance to his office. He opened the door and bid them enter. The space was bigger than it looked, with shelves full of assorted mechanical parts stretching far enough back that the ends of the rows were concealed in shadow.

Guill indicated a curtained-off area, "It's just in there. Let me get it for you."

Janeway had a bad feeling about the room. Something about it felt hauntingly familiar, and she knew Chakotay wasn't calm, either. She could feel the tension radiating from him as he stayed glued to her side. She glanced up at him and caught his eye. Coil or no coil, they were both ready to leave. Now.

As they began to turn for the door, the curtain Guill had disappeared behind slid open. The trader, along with two men, emerged from the small room. Chakotay immediately moved to put himself between Janeway and the men, but the front door opened behind them, as well. Two of the people that had been milling around in the square moved silently into the room.

"My apologies, Captain, but you can't leave just yet," Guill stated, his eager smile from earlier replaced with an expression that was far darker.

"What is the meaning of this?" she demanded over her shoulder, moving so that she faced the men coming in from the street while putting her back up against Chakotay's. "Release us."

"Oh, we will," Guill replied calmly, moving closer. "No harm will come to you."

Chakotay shifted slightly blocking Guill's path, not allowing him to draw any closer to Kathryn.

The trader sneered at him. "Didn't you learn anything from last night, Commander? You can't beat us."

All five of the men began to converge on the command team. Janeway and Chakotay braced themselves for a fight, but without having to say it…they both knew it wasn't going to be much of a fight.

* * *

Janeway felt a dark amusement at her predicament. Her captors were obviously amateurs, but even amateurs could cause a lot of problems. She smiled grimly and repeated her answer. "Janeway. Kathryn. Commander. USS Billings. Service number 4781–"

The heel of the interrogator's boot slammed into her chest, sending her crashing into the far wall. The back of her head thudded against the damp stone, and bright light exploded in her vision. She slid bonelessly towards the floor, landing in a heap and gasping for breath. It was official; she was no longer amused. Still reeling, she felt someone grab hold of her boot and drag her away from the wall.

Hands fisted in the front of her uniform jacket and pulled her roughly to her feet, jerking her face to within inches of her whiskered humanoid captor. "We don't care…about your _fucking_ service number, Janeway. Give us the command codes!"

Her lungs had barely processed enough oxygen for her to be able to reply, but for her captor's benefit she managed a wide smile. "No way in hell."

Swinging her unrestrained hands up, she grabbed at his shoulders and slammed her head forward against the bridge of his nose. He screamed in pain and released his hold on her as he immediately cupped his hands to his profusely bleeding face. Janeway pressed her advantage and drove a knee into his midsection, doubling him over.

The door of the makeshift cell crashed open, and a second person hurled themselves into the room, tackling her from the side before she could finish off her interrogator with a blow to the back of his neck. Janeway and the new arrival crashed to the floor in a tangle of arms and legs, but her new assailant was young and inexperienced in fighting. Without even bothering to check on her, he scrambled back to his feet, retreating backwards in an attempt to check on his friend. Janeway lashed out with her leg, sweeping both of his out from under him and upending him onto the floor next to her. She moved quickly, flinging herself across his body, in order to reach the weapon he had holstered on his hip.

Her hands wrapped around the stock of what she thought was a Romulan disruptor as burning pain lanced through her scalp. Her captor with the bloody nose had recovered, somewhat, and was attempting to pull her by her hair across the room. Rather than resisting, she went with it, pushing off with her feet in the direction he was pulling even as her hand pulled the disruptor free of its holster.

Her sudden compliance overbalanced her attacker, causing him to tighten the hold he had on her hair as he staggered backwards. In his first smart move, the hand holding her hair jerked downwards, pulling her headfirst towards the floor. Janeway hit the stone floor shoulder first and felt his boot heel land a glancing blow to her thigh. She rolled away from him, worrying only about getting enough space between them so that she could actually use the weapon she still clenched.

His boot stomped the floor where her head had been only a second before, and she yelled, "Enough!"

The command was so unexpected that her captor actually stopped his advance, giving Janeway the single moment she needed to rock back onto her heels and raise the disruptor in his direction. The younger one also regained his feet, reaching absently to find his weapon holster empty. She flashed a smile at his shocked recognition of whose weapon she was holding before returning her attention to the older one. "You took a piece of jewelry from the front of my uniform when you brought me here. Hand it over."

He snarled and swiped the back of his hand across his bloody face. "Don't have it."

With only a slight flick of her wrist, she fired a short blast from the disruptor within centimeters of his head. He jumped to the side with a startled yelp, and she trained the disruptor on him again. "Hand it over."

Without hesitation, he dug into the pouch he wore slung across his chest and pulled out her comm. badge. She jerked her chin and held out one hand. "Toss it."

He did, and she caught it easily, immediately pinching it between her fingers. "Janeway to Tuvok, emergency beam out. Get me the _hell_ out of here."

Janeway felt the transporter beam take effect but instead of finding herself back on the _Billings_, she once again opened her eyes to the interior of the Mari hotel room. She was being held down by the hands of two different people, and Guill was staggering away from her.

"My gods, woman..." he breathed heavily, his face a reflection of ecstasy. "Now that's more like it!"

Janeway yelled in frustration and struggled against the hold her captors had on her. That was the third such memory he had taken from her tonight, and the reliving of those memories was leaving her more than a little raw.

"I'll _kill_ you," she growled, jerking forward against the hands holding her down.

Guill turned his glittering, dark eyes back to her. "Now that's not exactly the Starfleet way," he berated her as he moved closer to her again, "but I know you would, Captain." He reached for her face. "Just like I know you're still holding back on me."

Janeway rebelled against his touch, but the holds on her tightened and she groaned, sensing Guill rifle once again through her memories. She bucked against the onslaught, knowing he was searching for her absolute worst–

"There!" he breathed excitedly, his other hand coming up to grip her face. Her eyes shot open and locked with his even as her mouth went completely dry. "Yes, Captain…show me that one."

His voice was little more than a whisper as she unwillingly sank again into memory.

And she felt the bone chilling ground beneath her. Sticky, half dried blood coated one side of her face, and her head throbbed and pulsed in time with her accelerated heart beat. The bone-deep bruise on her thigh ached as she tried to change position in the small confines of the cage. She knew there was worse to come. Her minor injuries were nothing to what the Gul had practically promised she would endure, and she was already exhausted.

And then the screams started again, and she cried out against them, putting her hands over her ears, trying desperately to block out the sounds. She heard a growl near her ear. _"This is no good. I want to see it."_

And she was outside the cage on her knees, trapped between two towering Cardassians. One of them reached down and pulled the recently-applied bandage from her head, not caring about the hair and skin he ripped off with it. He laughed at her startled reaction as he flung the bandage away. She barely had time to register his fist pounding into the wound before she felt blinding pain and a warm gush of blood slide down the side of her face as she crumpled to the ground. Instinctively she cradled the wound, knowing she must look weak and child-like curled there on the ground like a broken toy, but she couldn't help it. It was all she could do to remain conscious.

The guards flanking her seemed to be in no hurry as they stood above her, idly kicking her when they wanted to punctuate certain comments they were making. Then there was the sound of a gate opening and more footsteps sounding across the stone courtyard. Kathryn dared to raise her head from her fetal position and felt relief at seeing Admiral Paris no more than two hundred meters from her. But her relief quickly turned to fear as she saw that he was flanked by three more Cardassians…and Gul Camet.

Paris spotted her on the ground and turned on Camet, his voice raised loud enough for her to hear. "There's no reason to harm the girl. She's only an ensign. She knows nothing."

"I know," Camet responded silkily before leering at her. "She and I have already met, and I look forward to my next discussion with her."

"If you do _anything_ to her–" Paris started, but the Gul laughed, cutting him off.

"You'll do what, human?" he snorted derisively. "You'll do _nothing_."

There was a brief struggle, but then Admiral Paris was also on his knees, forcefully restrained by two of the Cardassians. His striking blue eyes locked with hers across the courtyard, and Kathryn gasped in a breath at the intensity she saw there. She struggled to her knees, intending to go to his side, but was held back by the two Cardassians. They pulled her to her feet, pinning her arms behind her and maintaining painfully tight grips on her biceps.

Owen Paris looked away from her and said something she couldn't quite hear to the Gul. Camet laughed, made an adjustment to the device in his hand, and turned to eye Janeway. He raised his voice, "You Federations will soon learn that Cardassians _take_ what they want."

Kathryn watched as the Gul made a grand show of depressing a button on the device in his hand.

And Owen Paris screamed.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimers and such...see ch 1...

* * *

_Owen Paris was screaming-_

Kathryn sucked in a gasping breath and bolted upright to a sitting position, her hands immediately grasping blindly at the bed sheets to keep herself upright. Her heart was hammering inside her chest, and her head throbbed in time with its frantic pace. Clenching her eyes shut against the spinning room, she swallowed back against the bile that was threatening to rise in her chest.

As her breathing slowly calmed, she kept her eyes closed against the incessant pounding in her head and tried to remember what had almost had her screaming. A nightmare obviously, if finding herself in bed was any indication…but which one? It bothered her that she couldn't recall it. In the past, the images from her dreams were easily conjured…too easily usually, but this time all she felt was an overwhelming sense of dread and residual fear.

And then she realized something else was different.

The single, spinning, terrified glance of her surroundings when she awoke had been enough to tell her that she was not on Voyager. She was not in her quarters, it was not her own bed she'd been sleeping in, and instinctively, she did not feel as though she was alone. Taking a bracing breath in, Kathryn slowly opened her eyes, grimacing at the sunlight that was seeping through the curtains drawn across the single large window. Definitely not on Voyager. Looking down, she sucked in a surprised breath and grasped at the rumpled sheet next to her. Throwing it over her bare legs, she was thankful that she was at least wearing underwear and her uniform tank top. Despite the sheet helping her feel less exposed, it did not help explain her situation at all. She took in another steadying breath and slowly turned her head to the left.

The bed she was sitting on was much wider than what she was accustomed to, and although she was thrilled to find herself alone, it was plainly obvious that she had not been that way for long. The sheets and pillow next to her bore distinct indentations of someone having occupied the space recently. _Very_ recently if her instincts were any indication.

*Tuvok to Captain Janeway.*

Kathryn whipped her head to the right towards the direction of the disembodied voice and groaned at the fresh pulse of pain behind her eyes at the sudden movement. As the furniture of the room once again took its time settling into place, she saw her boots and pants scattered haphazardly across the floor, with her uniform jacket hanging half off a chair all the way in the corner. She almost flung back the sheet so she could get up, but hesitated when she caught sight of what she assumed was the bathroom. The light was on inside the adjacent room and the door was partially open, but even leaning cautiously forward she couldn't tell if someone was inside or not.

*Tuvok to Captain Janeway. Please respond.*

She cringed at how loud the badge sounded, but saw no movement from inside the bathroom. Tugging at the sheet to drag it with her, she stood and immediately had to put a hand out to the bedside table to steady herself. The nausea wasn't as bad this morning as yesterday but her head was more than making up for it. Staggering across the room, her hand landed on the chair, and she haphazardly pulled the jacket up, reaching for where the comm. badge should be. If she didn't hurry and answer Tuvok, she wouldn't be surprised to find an entire security team appear in the room, and that was not something she was quite prepared for…but the comm. badge wasn't on the jacket. Pulling the chair out, she looked down to see it on the floor. Groaning, she knelt towards it, only to hear the Vulcan's disembodied voice again.

*Tuvok to Commander Chakotay.*

Kathryn froze, her hand hovering above the badge. That time the voice had come from somewhere behind her, and she heard a groan. A very _male_ groan emanating from somewhere on the other side of the bed.

Scooping up her comm. badge, she quickly pinched it. "Janeway to Tuvok."

*Is everything all right, Captain?*

Dropping onto the chair and watching almost fearfully as a very tan arm appeared on the bed, she answered somewhat truthfully. "Everything's...fine."

A tattooed and very tousled looking head slowly rose within sight as Tuvok's next words continued to sound in the room.

*I apologize for interrupting your shore leave, Captain, but there's been a situation at the market place. It seems a violent assault took place, and the local authorities believe that some of our crew may have been involved.*

Janeway stared across the room and into Chakotay's bewildered eyes peering at her from over the bed as Tuvok briefly explained the situation. She blinked when she realized belatedly what Tuvok had just reported. "Wait…they think someone from our crew was involved in a violent assault?"

*I have recalled all concerned personnel to the ship as a precautionary measure.*

She nodded, agreeing with his decision even though he couldn't see her reaction. She didn't think she was capable of speech at the moment as she watched Chakotay, clad only in his underwear, take a seat on the side of the bed.

*That is also another reason I am contacting you, Captain. I believe you and Commander Chakotay should return to the ship as soon as possible.*

"Why?" she managed, her voice sounding strained as she watched Chakotay, moving slowly, stand and pull on a pair of pants.

*You have been listed as a person of interest in the attacks.*

* * *

"Tuvok, report," Janeway snapped even as she slid herself up onto the biobed. She held up a warning finger to the EMH. "Keep this brief."

Tuvok's eyebrow raised at the Doctor's harrumph, but he focused his attention on his captain. "Chief Examiner Nimira initially hailed the ship two hours ago. There were three serious violent assaults last night within the city and at least four other incidents that involved violent acts. Only three of the perpetrators have been questioned so far, but each of the accused has been found to have a violent memory that seems to originate from a Voyager crewmember."

"I don't understand, Tuvok," Chakotay said, standing beside the security chief. "How are we being blamed for these acts?"

"And how did our crew get involved to begin with?" Janeway asked, frowning at the Doctor's murmuring. "I highly doubt that anyone on board this ship went down to the planet and picked a fight."

"The Mari people have virtually no crime within their society. Violent acts simply do not occur. Upon having such an outbreak of these events, the memories of the accused were scanned. All three were found to have memories involving Voyager crewmembers, specifically Lieutenant Torres, Lieutenant Ayala, and you Captain," he finished looking directly at her. "It is believed these memories contributed to the acts that took place, and in Mari society, a person is held responsible for his or her thoughts as well as their actions."

"Meaning we could be held responsible for these acts," Chakotay commented sourly.

"Let's just slow down a minute." Janeway held up a hand. "These memories that they're finding, what are they, exactly?"

"Lieutenant Ayala is seen striking someone with his fists, Lieutenant Torres is seen stalking her victim with a bat'leth," he paused for a moment before continuing, "and you, Captain, are seen stabbing a knife into an opponent."

Stunned, Janeway silently stared at Tuvok as he finished his report.

"I presume, Captain, that you did not stab anyone during your shore leave?" he asked rather reservedly.

She leveled a glare at him, her nostrils flaring. "No, Tuvok, I did not stab anyone."

Chakotay cleared his throat and all the attention in the room resettled on him. "Actually, Captain…you could have."

"I beg your pardon?"

Icicles formed on the four words, but Voyager's first officer held up admirably. "Captain, for the second night in a row you have no recollection of the time you spent on the planet." He shrugged apologetically. "Anything could have happened."

"Chakotay, I did not _stab_ someone!" she said, her tone completely exasperated. "I've had the unfortunate luck to have done that before and believe me, it's not something I'd easily forget."

Tuvok and Chakotay exchanged concerned glances, and the security chief clasped his hands behind his back. "Captain, it does appear from numerous cases presented by the crew that upon consuming the planet's red ale, memory loss does seem to be a common affliction."

"And I would agree," the Doctor interjected, "if the Captain had, in fact, ingested the alcohol, it could be a factor in any memory loss she may be experiencing." They all turned to look at him and he finished, "but she hasn't."

Kathryn didn't even try to wrap her mind around what the EMH was saying. "What?"

The Doctor turned to her. "Unlike yesterday, Captain, there are no traces of the alcohol in your system."

She looked first to Chakotay and then back to the Doctor. "Then why can't I remember anything past…" she paused to think about it, grimacing as she tried to remember, but she could only see herself and Chakotay in the transporter room, "leaving the ship last night?"

Tuvok's eyebrow rose almost imperceptibly as the Doctor noted her answer and moved off towards one of his cabinets of supplies.

"What?" she asked Tuvok, feeling tired of the conversation already.

"You do not recall contacting me last night, Captain?" he asked and then continued, realizing he didn't need to hear her answer. "Approximately ninety minutes after you departed the ship, you called to notify me that you and the Commander would not be returning until morning and that you were not to be disturbed."

Her eyes bounced to Chakotay only long enough to confirm his surprise as well before zeroing in once again on Tuvok. "I called you and told you that?"

Tuvok nodded. "You did not sound…coerced."

Meaning she had used none of their established code words to indicate that she had been under duress at the time of the call. Apparently, she'd simply wanted to be left the hell alone with her first officer…in a hotel room…for the entire night.

The Doctor returned with a new tray of instruments. "I need to run a full neurological scan to determine the cause of your memory lapse, Captain. It's going to take several minutes, and then I'll need to analyze the results before I can offer you a comprehensive answer."

Shaking off the latest development, she held off the Doctor for another minute. "Tuvok, I want you to contact the Chief Examiner. Notify her that we intend to cooperate fully and are starting our own investigation into the allegations." At his nod, she turned her attention to Chakotay. "Recall _all_ personnel back to the ship. If we are somehow responsible for any of this, I don't want to prolong our exposure to this culture anymore than we already have. And Doctor," the hologram regarded her with his most serious expression, "find me some answers."


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimers are in part 1...and again I took a few liberties with a certain Trek...procedure :) hope you don't mind!

* * *

The senior staff filed into the briefing room, none looking like they'd had a good night's rest. Except Seven, of course. Janeway found herself eyeing the former drone almost enviously, but as soon as everyone was seated, she got up, forcing herself to appear more prepared than she felt. "By now, you all know why we're here. The Mari constabulary believes we are responsible for some violent acts taking place on the planet–"

"That's ridiculous," B'Elanna muttered, her scowl deepening.

"As much as I may want to agree," Janeway continued smoothly, "we cannot rule out the possibility that their exposure to us has been…detrimental for their society. The fact that they've had more violent outbreaks in our few days of being here than they've had in years is...disturbing."

"But, Captain, they want to blame us for things we didn't do," Tom complained.

"They are not blaming us, Lieutenant. They simply require that we take responsibility for our thoughts," Tuvok countered.

"Our _thoughts_…not our actions," B'Elanna protested.

"In this society, thoughts and actions are one in the same." Tuvok returned his attention to the Captain. "Ignorance of the law is never an acceptable defense."

"No," she agreed, "but I'm not willing to simply take their word that we are the ones solely at fault here. The memories the Chief Examiner presented as evidence are not simply random thoughts. I'm sure Lieutenant Ayala doesn't walk around imagining beating people to a pulp with his fists, and I can easily attest that I don't casually think about stabbing people, Tuvok."

The security chief inclined his head in concession, and she was relieved he didn't point out that despite her arguments the memory concerning B'Elanna using a bat'leth on someone arbitrarily was, however, entirely possible. She circled behind Chakotay's chair and gave her attention back to the matter at hand by turning the table over to the EMH to offer his findings to the group.

"When first presenting signs of memory loss, nausea, and headache yesterday, I scanned the Captain for signs of the planet's ale. As I'd found it present in many of the crew, I was not surprised to find it in her system as well. I treated her accordingly." He paused, looking slightly less sure of himself. "Upon her arrival in sickbay this morning, presenting similar symptoms, I was prepared to recommend that she…that is to say that the crew…no longer be permitted to indulge in this particular local custom. However, there were no traces of the alcohol in either her system or that of Commander Chakotay."

Janeway shared a glance with Chakotay. She hadn't even noticed the Doctor scanning him while they'd been in sickbay.

"Upon further investigation," the EMH continued, "I have yet to find _any_ substance in her body that would have caused the symptoms she presented with."

"Memory loss, headaches, accusations of violence," Janeway recounted, shaking her head, "Doctor, I'm going to need an explanation for these if I'm to defend us against their local judiciary system. I need to know what happened down there."

The Doctor looked chagrined. "I will, of course, keep looking, Captain. I won't stop until I've pursued all possible–"

"We don't have that kind of time, Doctor," she interrupted, looking questioningly at Tuvok even as she spoke. "We need answers now."

Tuvok's fingers were steepled on the table in front of him, and he gave her a simple nod, having already come to the same conclusion that she had. "I can initiate a mind meld with you, Captain. It would allow us both to observe your memories, repressed and otherwise. It would also be an expedient method."

The hologram looked between the two of them, knowing intuitively that he wouldn't be able to talk either of them out of the process. He huffed, "If you insist on not waiting, you'll be doing this in sickbay where I can monitor both of you."

"Of course, Doctor," Janeway allowed, refusing to acknowledge the concern in Chakotay's expression at the idea. She knew he didn't like the idea of a meld anymore than the Doctor did, but what else could they do? "When do we start?"

* * *

"What is the last thing you remember from last night, Captain?" Tuvok asked, sitting across from her in the relatively empty sickbay.

Again she tried to think…to remember anything, but she just shook her head. "The last solid memory I have is Commander Chakotay and I in the transporter room."

"Very well." Tuvok reached for her face.

Janeway jerked back away from his hands…out of his reach.

Tuvok immediately stilled. "Captain?"

She glanced quickly over to where the Doctor and Chakotay were observing the meld, feeling the unexpected rush of panic in her chest already fading away. Chakotay took a step towards her, but she held him off with a small shake of her head before returning her attention back to Tuvok. "I'm sorry…I just…something startled me."

"Do you wish to proceed, Captain?" he asked, his hands folded serenely in his lap.

"Yes, of course," she gestured for him to continue and had to steel herself in the chair as his hands once again came up to her face. He gently placed his fingertips against her skin, and she felt the odd sensation of her old friend's presence drawing closer to her.

"Please try to relax," he intoned. "My mind to your mind. My thoughts to your thoughts. Take us back to last night. Take us to the transporter room."

Kathryn felt like she was opening her eyes as the transporter room came into view, and she watched as she and Chakotay stepped onto the transporter pad. Unexpectedly, a sharp, driving pain lanced behind her eyes, and she felt Tuvok at her side. "Do you…feel that?"

He offered her his arm for support. "I feel it through you. It is something unique that I have only ever experienced once before in a mind meld."

One of her hands clamped onto his forearm to keep herself steady while the other held her aching head. "Is it something wrong…with the meld?"

"No, but I believe it is important that you fight through this discomfort." He received her nod of acceptance. "You are on the transporter pad. What did you do next?"

She kept her eyes clenched shut as the pain increased. "I would've…given the command…to beam us…down to the planet."

As though she had broken through a dam, the pain in her head began to fade, and she was able to open her eyes. She and Tuvok were now standing in the darkened Mari marketplace with the Janeway and Chakotay from the transporter room a few feet in front of them. She straightened and took a few breaths as the pain completely dissipated. "What the hell was that?"

"A memory blocker," Tuvok answered, glancing at her to judge her condition. "I have felt one before in a young Vulcan that had experienced a trauma as a child. A well meaning counselor had put it in place so that he would not have to relive the emotions of the event until he was older and more suited to handle them."

Kathryn stared up at her friend, comprehension dawning. "You mean…"

"Someone does not want you to have access to your memories, Captain."

"But the Doctor said-"

"The memory blocker is not something that manifests physically. The Doctor would not have been able to detect its presence."

Janeway considered that as they watched the command team follow Guill towards a darkened doorway a few meters away. She felt her throat tighten as she noticed the people that had been milling about in the marketplace rather aimlessly were now all circling closer to the door. "These people were waiting for us to arrive…"

"Your subconscious perceived the danger before your active mind," Tuvok commented as they found themselves squeezed into the office with the memory version of Janeway and Chakotay.

"Chakotay and I both felt it," Kathryn nodded, gesturing to the two memory officers standing uneasily in the office. "There was something about the whole meeting that felt…dangerous." She frowned. "We were going to leave."

The office's curtain opened behind them, and Guill, accompanied by his cohorts, emerged from the small space as two of the people from outside crowded in through the front door.

"My apologies, Captain, but you can't leave just yet," Guill stated, as he and the other men moved menacingly closer.

"I should have called for a beam out right then," Kathryn muttered disgustedly as her other self demanded to know the reason for Guill's actions.

Tuvok nodded his agreement but offered, "The trader Guill brought you in here for a reason. It is likely he has some sort of magnetic field in place to block communications."

It was little comfort as they watched Guill sneer at Chakotay's protective stance. "Didn't you learn anything from last night, Commander? You can't beat us."

"_Last_ night?" Janeway repeated, looking to Tuvok as a scuffle broke out between the people in the room. "But that would mean–"

The fight was quickly quelled, ending with the command team on their knees with their arms trapped behind them. One of the men, a tall blond, was sporting a bloody nose and was shooting daggers at the Janeway on the ground, who stared defiantly up at him.

"Leave it, Malin," Guill snapped at the man, looking impatiently at the front door. "The doctor can fix you up."

The man swore and looked to still be giving great consideration at kicking Janeway. "I'm not letting that man anywhere near me."

Guill's dark eyes turned on him. "Then live with it, or I'll do worse than she ever could."

Janeway and Tuvok watched as the Janeway on her knees snarled at the traders. "Release us at once. Whatever it is that you're after, you won't get it."

All the men in the room chuckled darkly and even Guill grinned at her. "You said that last night." He moved closer to them. "You were wrong then, too."

Fear coursed through the Janeway standing at Tuvok's side. What exactly did Guill mean by that? It was becoming clear that _something_ had happened that first night on the planet, and she had no idea what, but she was glad to see that her memory counterpart showed no signs of being intimidated.

From her forced kneeling position, the memory Janeway growled at Guill, "What are you talking about?"

Guill extended a hand towards her face, laughing darkly when she jerked her chin away from him.

"Don't touch her!" Chakotay roared, almost managing to break free from the grip restraining him.

Guill glanced at him. "Oh don't worry, Commander, I haven't forgotten about you. Your memories are selling for almost as high a price as hers, and you don't repress nearly as much as she does."

Chakotay glanced at the Kathryn next to him. "My memories?"

"Allow me to demonstrate," Guill said, putting his hand on Chakotay's head and closing his eyes. "See what I mean, no trouble at all…I can already feel your hate…your…nemesis." Guill's eyelids were fluttering slightly and all the men in the room seemed to be anxiously waiting. "Nullify them, Commander…nullify the Krady beasts."

Tuvok put a restraining hand on his captain. "These events have already taken place, Captain. There is nothing you can do at this time."

She growled low in her throat, only then noticing that her counterpart's mouth had been covered by a heavy hand and was being held back as well, albeit more forcefully than Tuvok's loose grip.

The front door banged open, allowing entrance to another man, and Guill's hand withdrew from Chakotay, severing the connection abruptly and leaving the Commander looking dazed.

"You're late," Guill griped at the newcomer.

Standing next to Tuvok, Kathryn tore her concerned gaze away from the recovering Chakotay to eye the older man that had entered their midst. He wore rumpled clothes that even at a distance she could tell had once been made of fine material but were now faded and fraying. She frowned, staring at him. "He seems…familiar."

The man pulled up short, his manner cocky. "I can always leave."

"Just put them out so we can move, Doc. I want to get several more memories before we're done tonight," Guill ordered.

Doc eyed the two struggling officers. "Why not just stay here?"

"Because," Guill replied in a very tight voice, "if people are seen coming and going at all hours of the night from my store, it looks suspicious. Now will you _please _just…take care of them?"

"Fine."

The men restraining the two officers on the ground had to redouble their efforts as the man called Doc approached them. He placed a hand on top of each of their heads, chuckling at their struggles. "There, there. _Calm_ yourselves."

Janeway glanced at Tuvok, surprised as hell when both members of the command team immediately complied, ceasing their struggles.

"What do you want them to do, Guill?" Doc asked, keeping his hands firmly in place.

"Just put them out for a short while," Guill answered, gathering up items from the desk. "I've already arranged for transport to the hotel."

The doctor nodded, smiling down at the humans under his hands. He took in a deep breath, closed his eyes and murmured low under his breath. Kathryn could just make out him saying the word "sleep" before the entire room faded from view, and she found herself opening her eyes in sickbay as the feel of Tuvok's fingertips on her face disappeared.


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimers and notes are all in part 1. Thank you for continuing to read!

* * *

Kathryn rocked back in the sickbay chair, pushing herself away from Tuvok before she consciously realized she was doing it. The Vulcan seemed to understand, though, as he too pushed back slightly simply to give her more space. Chakotay circled from behind the console towards Kathryn to offer his support while the Doctor moved forward, tricorder in hand to scan both of the participants.

Chakotay spared a glance in Tuvok's direction and saw nothing more than the security chief's usual calm demeanor. Not surprised, he focused on Kathryn and found that, while she was breathing harder than he would've expected, she also looked…mad as hell. "Captain?"

Her head snapped up to look at him, her fists curling and her legs bracing for an attack automatically as the fight instinct was still prevalent in her thoughts. Seeing him take a step back as he noticed her reaction, Janeway forced herself to relax. She took a deep breath in and held it for a moment before exhaling slowly.

"Kathryn," he said her name quietly enough that the other two men could easily pretend not to have heard, "are you all right?"

She nodded at him, her head bobbing only once. "I'm fine, but," she shook her head and then looked to Tuvok for confirmation, "what we thought happened is definitely _not_ what actually happened."

"So what did happen?" he asked, feeling more concerned and confused.

"I'm not…_entirely_ sure," she said, her brows pulling together in consternation. "Tuvok, why did we stop?"

"I felt it prudent to afford you the option of taking a break, Captain."

Janeway was already shaking her head. "No, not only do I want to see this the rest of the way through, now I want to know what happened the previous night, as well."

"The previous night?" Chakotay repeated.

She nodded warily.

"I don't suppose anyone is going to ask for my opinion?" the Doctor commented sourly.

Chakotay watched as Kathryn smoothed her hair out of her face, tucking it behind her ear before acknowledging the hologram's comment. "Do you intend to recommend us stopping?"

He bristled, "It certainly wouldn't hurt."

"Is it going to 'hurt' for them to continue, Doctor?" Chakotay asked, possibly saving the hologram's ego from the blistering reply Kathryn had no doubt intended to say.

"Strictly speaking," he blustered, "no. It is safe for them to continue. For now. But don't think–"

"Yes, we know, Doctor. At the first sign of trouble…" Kathryn rolled her eyes. "Chakotay…I should have some answers for you soon."

He nodded, appreciating that she wasn't going to completely ignore his questions. "I'll hold off the Chief Examiner."

"If this continues to play out like I think it is," she growled, "you're going to have to protect the Chief Examiner from me."

* * *

Tuvok's deep timbre had barely finished intoning the ancient Vulcan words when Kathryn found herself once again in the hotel room she had woken up in that morning. Only this time, it was dark outside the curtained window and she was watching herself being held down in the single chair in the room. Guill held her comm. badge in his hands, flashing it in front of her face. "Now that you're awake, Captain, I want you to call your ship and let them know that you and your officer," he gestured over his shoulder where Chakotay lay unconscious on the bed, "don't want to be disturbed, and that you won't be returning to the ship until morning."

"You don't actually think I'm going to do that, do you?" she replied, her tone cold but deceptively even.

"Of course, I do, Captain." Guill moved to her side so that she had a clear view of the bed. The tall blond, Malin, whose nose she had busted, moved away from his position by the door. He pulled out a long knife and held it next to Chakotay's throat, giving her a smile as he did so.

Guill mockingly tucked her hair behind her ear, enjoying how she jerked her head away from him. "Captain…everyone in this room knows _exactly_ what you're thinking. As much as it galls you to agree, we know you won't let any harm come to this man. We _know_ how you feel about him."

Tuvok glanced at the Janeway standing next to him. Her posture and glare were as rigid and fierce as the memory version of her sitting in the chair.

The knife pressed deeper against Chakotay's exposed neck, and Janeway spit the words out. "All right!"

"That's good, Captain. There's no reason for anyone here to get hurt." Guill said, running his hand through her hair and letting his long fingers wrap around the back of her neck. He clucked his tongue in his mouth. "Now, now, Captain, we'll have none of that."

The seated Janeway turned her head to look up at him. "None of what?" she spat. "I said I would make the call."

Guill tapped his temple. "I can hear you, remember? No code words. No fancy clues. I'll know as soon as you try it." She turned away from him, but he took her chin in his hand, forcing her to look up at him. "I promise you, Captain, your crew won't be able to act fast enough to get you both out of here before we slit his throat."

Her eyes were like ice, but standing next to Tuvok, Janeway knew her memory counterpart had silently agreed when Guill held the comm. badge down in front of her mouth and pinched it to open a channel. She felt more than saw Tuvok shift his weight next to her, and she looked up at him. "It wasn't your fault, Tuvok. You couldn't have known."

"Perhaps," he allowed stoically, as they listened to the very short conversation before Guill closed the channel and casually tossed the comm. badge aside.

"Now that we've taken care of that business, let's move on to something more profitable."

The seated Janeway jerked against the hands that were holding her down as Guill placed his hands on her face. "What do you have for me tonight, Captain? I feel as though we barely scratched the surface last night."

"What the hell…get your hands _off_ me!" she growled, trying desperately to twist away from him.

"Yes," he sighed, his eyes half closed as his fingers pressed harder against her face, clinging to her, "I know how much you don't want me to see…but…this one…looks promising."

Tuvok and Janeway watched as the restrained Janeway grunted and bucked once more against the hands on her before her struggles stopped completely, and the hotel room faded from view, morphing into a grey, nondescript compound with blaring klaxons and flashing lights.

"Captain, do you recognize this place?" Tuvok asked, his voice raised enough to be heard over the droning klaxon.

Janeway felt her mouth go dry, and she nodded. Before she could answer, a younger version of herself came running up the corridor, rushing past them without a second glance. Kathryn watched as the young woman grabbed a phaser rifle from a locker and took up a firing position in a doorway.

"You are a lieutenant," Tuvok noted as they both watched the younger Janeway scrutinize the darkened jungle that surrounded the building. "Is this a memory of your time during the Cardassian border conflict?"

"Yes," the Captain nodded. "If I'm remembering correctly, this took place on our second day at the outpost. Cardassians were about to storm it in an attempt to take it over, but Tuvok," she tore her gaze away from her younger self, "why are we here?"

"I believe that Mister Guill's mental controls have coerced you into remembering this place," he answered, calmly ignoring the sound of weapons fire as it began to impact the building.

Janeway found herself cringing in spite of herself against the distinct noises of her memory of that first battle. "For what purpose, though? Intelligence on this battle is over fifteen years old, what good would it do anyone?"

The younger Janeway began firing out into the shadows, and Tuvok noticed his captain's obvious unease with the situation. "Regrettably, Captain, I need to see a bit more of last night's events before I can offer a sufficient hypothesis."

Janeway had moved herself behind a pillar and was studying the landscape with the same intensity as her younger counterpart. She flinched when dust and rubble rained down right outside the doorway. "So does that mean we have to wait this out?"

"That is up to you, Captain. We can continue on with this memory," he explained, "or you can concentrate on bringing us back to the hotel room." She barely glanced at him, but he understood it to mean that she had no desire to stay in the memory. "What happened when you came out of this memory?"

The cacophony of the ensuing firefight faded, and the bright lights of the hotel room surrounded them again. Guill was stepping back from a quickly reawakening Janeway. "That wasn't so bad now was it, Captain?"

Sitting in the chair, Janeway seemed to be dazed for a moment, not registering Guill's taunting for what it was as she blinked several times and looked around the hotel room. "What…this isn't…" her eyes narrowed when her gaze landed on Guill, "you!"

The men in the room all laughed at her snarl. Guill simply smiled at her before turning towards the door of the room, narrowing his eyes. He looked back to the men standing over her. "Frane, keep her quiet!"

The men moved immediately to obey Guill, clapping a hand over Janeway's mouth as a light knock sounded on the door. Guill jerked his chin towards Malin, who was still standing near the unconscious Chakotay. "Answer it."

Tuvok and Janeway both turned to watch the exchange at the door, surprised at the intrusion. The person was kept standing in the hall, as the door was barely opened, but currency was slipped through the small opening. Malin handed it to Guill. "What do you want me to give him?"

Guill thumbed through the money. "Just give him one of the Commander's memories; I don't think he can handle one of hers."

"They're _selling_ our memories?" Janeway asked feeling incredulous at the violation. "But why?"

"I believe your violent memories have become part of a black market trade, Captain," Tuvok surmised. "The Chief Examiner told me that violence was a rare occurrence among her people because all hostile thought had been prohibited."

"Simply prohibiting something doesn't make it go away," Janeway argued.

"I agree with you, Captain," he agreed. "I believe this problem is more complex than a few random thoughts from our crew. There would seem to be an element of Marin society that not only continues to have violent thoughts but _desires_ them."

"They _want_ to experience violence?" Janeway asked even as the room began to fade again. She hadn't even noticed Guill approach her counterpart, but she tensed, knowing that her memories were a deep well to pull from if violence was indeed what Guill craved. "Now what?"

The corridors of a ship came into view, and a Janeway wearing the older red-chested uniform with black shoulders appeared in front of them. She was backpedaling away from two Borg stalking towards her.

Tuvok raised an eyebrow. "I was not aware of you experiencing any encounters with the Borg prior to the Delta Quadrant, Captain."

Not answering his question, she crossed her arms tightly across her chest and looked over her shoulder to the other end of the corridor. Two more Borg stalked towards them, boxing in the younger officer. Upon seeing the reinforcements, the younger Janeway fired the phaser in her hand, felling the Borg closest to her, but the second Borg had a shield phase into place when she tried firing again. With one more glance over her shoulder, the younger Janeway squared herself into a fighting stance.

"No chance," Janeway muttered under her breath as a hand to hand struggle began.

"Captain, when did these events take place?" Tuvok asked as they instinctively separated themselves from the fight.

"They didn't. I was training myself on a holodeck." She gestured angrily at the surroundings. "Wolf 359 had just happened. We weren't present for the slaughter that took place, but I read all the reports." She grimaced as she watched herself being subdued. "I wanted to know…how it would feel…to prepare myself."

"Computer freeze program…" Even as the younger Janeway's command was given, the memory faded back to the Mari hotel room.

Guill was frowning as he removed his hands from Janeway's face. "No one will want to pay for that."

"If you want," the seated Janeway was breathing heavily as she managed a retort "I have a member of my crew that will help you_ experience _that."

Turning away from the continuing tableau in front of them, Tuvok spoke to the Janeway at his side. "I believe we have more than enough evidence to present to the Chief Examiner in our defense, Captain. We do not need to pursue this any further."

"No," she argued, taking a step away from him and towards Guill. "There's still a lot more he has to answer for, Tuvok." She glanced towards the unconscious Chakotay on the bed. "And there's still something I need to know."


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer on part 1

* * *

Janeway glanced at Chakotay, sharing a silent look with him as they waited. The Marin Chief Examiner had just been transported aboard and was being escorted to the briefing room. Janeway knew she probably should have waited awhile before having this meeting, she was still a bit raw from the meld, but the Chief Examiner had been insisting, and Janeway couldn't help but feel as though she had a few things she wanted to say as well. It was likely to be a tense conversation.

Chakotay tried to gauge just how intense this meeting was going to become. Kathryn had briefed him quickly on what she'd found out during the meld. That they'd been taken prisoner and had their memories stolen for their resale value on a Marin black market, but she hadn't gone in to too much detail concerning what memories she had seen or how many. Nor had she discussed how they'd been taken hostage to begin with. He had, however, gotten the distinct sensation that the recollection of events had been more unsettling to her than she was letting on. There was a dangerous, hard glint in her eye that he usually only saw when she was preparing to deal with an adversary, not a peaceful planet constabulary to whom she had pledged her full cooperation.

Even more troubling, but of a distinctly more personal nature, was the fact that Kathryn had yet to mention the circumstances surrounding their early morning wake-up call and how that situation had come to pass.

The briefing room doors slid open, allowing entrance to Chief Examiner Nimira, followed closely by Tuvok. Without standing, Janeway indicated the chair across from Chakotay. "Thank you for coming, Chief Examiner. Please, have a seat."

"Captain Janeway," Nimira said stiffly, pulling out the indicated chair, "I was assured by both of your commanders that you would cooperate with our investigation."

Janeway dipped her chin, not quite conceding the point. "In the interim, we have begun conducting our own investigation."

"Your _own_ investigation?" Nimira scoffed. "Forgive me for saying so, but I hardly think you are equipped to investigate a telepathic–"

"Rape of the mind," Janeway snapped, interrupting the Chief Examiner. "Oh, I think you'll find that we are…_more_ than capable."

"Rape of the mind, Captain?" Nimira repeated, sounding incredulous. "That's a bit harsh, don't you think? I hardly believe that your people purposefully violated–"

"Not _my_ people, Chief Examiner," Janeway bit out.

"I don't understand." the Chief Examiner shook her head. "People on my planet are _suffering_ from the violent aftereffects of simply interacting with you and your crew, and yet you're implying that Marins committed some sort of crime…_against_ you?"

"I'm not implying, Chief Examiner; I'm accusing," Janeway stated succinctly. "I want charges filed against several Marins."

"What _sort_ of charges?"

"Kidnapping. Imprisonment. Coercion. And whatever your society deems the equivalent charge for forcibly extracting someone's memories and thoughts against their will."

Nimira looked in exasperation at Tuvok and Chakotay in an attempt to make some sort of sense of the conversation. She found no support. "No Marin would _ever_ do the sort of thing you're suggesting, Captain. It's…it's simply unheard of."

"Just like crime and acts of violence on your planet are unheard of?" Janeway challenged.

"Prior to your ship's arrival…yes," Nimira snapped waspishly.

Janeway's jaw worked back and forth, and Chakotay was quite sure that if the Chief Examiner was listening telepathically, she was certainly getting an uncensored earful from the Captain. He intervened, "Tuvok, would you please brief the Chief Examiner on the preliminary results of our investigation."

Tuvok had been expecting the Commander's timely intervention and slid a PADD of data across the table to the Chief Examiner. "On two separate occasions, a trader by the name of Guill illegally detained Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay. They were taken against their will to a separate location, where over the course of several hours, they were forced to relive personal memories of violence so that Mister Guill could experience them for himself."

"That's absolutely preposterous," Nimira complained.

Tuvok continued his report, ignoring her denial. "Our investigation also shows that Mister Guill subsequently provides these memories for sale on a black market." He paused. "The belief that people on your planet do not wish to experience violent thought is not entirely true."

At Tuvok's conclusion Nimira's eyes strayed back to Janeway. "I find your claims to be wholly unsubstantiated; however, your participation in an interview at my office would easily clarify this matter."

Janeway's lips thinned to an almost invisible line. "You refuse to believe the possibility that your people had any part in this?"

"I believe your judgment of events may be clouded by your own cultural biases, yes."

Chakotay straightened. "How would an interview in your office clarify the situation?"

Nimira's eyes reluctantly left Janeway's to face Chakotay. "We have a transcription device that would log your anagrammatic activity during the interview, recording your statement for review at a later time."

Only Chakotay could see how white Janeway's knuckles had gone on the arm of her chair. He leaned forward, ensuring that he was in his captain's peripheral vision. "Chief Examiner, you're a telepath. You are already aware that we aren't lying–"

"By your recollection," she interrupted.

"What extra value does recording our anagrammatic activity do for your investigation?" he asked, ignoring her remark.

"We would be able to review your statements and visually see the events in question as they took place," she explained as though talking to children. "In reviewing the entire circumstance from an _objective_ standpoint, we would be able to see how your limited perceptions may have influenced what you believed to have been happening."

Tuvok gauged Janeway's reaction to the Chief Examiner's explanation, and he knew by her body language alone that the Marin constable had worn out her welcome. When Nimira continued her explanation without pause or consideration of the energy his captain was radiating, Tuvok could only assume the Chief Examiner had chosen not to listen to Janeway telepathically. He knew that would prove to be a tactical error on the part of the Marin constable.

"The anagram transcription process would also identify the hostile images within your memory that could then be later removed during an anagrammatic purge," Nimira finished.

"I see," Janeway said tightly, barely raising her head to address the Chief Examiner. She shifted forward in her seat, resting her forearms on the top of the conference table in a very controlled movement before looking up from under hooded lids. "Let me be perfectly clear, Chief Examiner," she swallowed tightly, "this _purge_ of yours…is _never_ going to happen. Not to me and not to any of my crew."

Nimira sat back in her chair, clearly disgusted. "Well, Captain, I guess I shouldn't say I'm surprised by your decision. Your species' sense of justice is obviously less enlightened than ours."

"Perhaps," Tuvok interjected, "Mister Guill could clear up this matter for all of us. If he were taken into custody and interviewed, his anagrammatic activity could confirm our position in this matter." At Janeway's pointed look, he continued, "At the very least, we would like to ask him a few questions of our own."

For the first time since entering the briefing room, Nimira looked uncomfortable. "I'm afraid that won't be possible. Mister Guill was found at his place of business early this morning. He'd been…stabbed and beaten to death."

Tuvok looked to his captain but Janeway's expression betrayed nothing of what she was feeling at the news of Guill's death. Returning his attention to Nimira, he asked, "Do you have any suspects?"

"Yes, two of his business associates were taken into custody. They were quite incoherent at the time, claiming that he was a…" she paused to withdraw a device from her belt, flipping through several pages of notes before continuing, "here it is…they claimed he was a 'spoonhead' and that he was responsible for destroying several planets." Reading from her notes, Nimira missed the silent exchange between all three Starfleet officers at her comments. She finished and looked up. "They are scheduled to be interviewed this afternoon."

Chakotay spoke up. "Was one of the men arrested called Malin?"

Nimira was surprised. "Yes, how did you–"

"By my _recollection_," Janeway responded, "he was one of the men that held myself and the Commander hostage. Perhaps when you interview him, you'll ask him about my _perception_ of last night's events."

Color suffused the Chief Examiner's face. "It would help, Captain, if I had a full recounting from you and your officers as to any encounters you may have had on the planet."

Janeway sank back into her chair. "You have my permission to interview anyone on my crew," she paused to clarify, "but those interviews will take place _here_. On this ship. In this room. And Commander Tuvok will be present."

Nimira's face had soured again as she and Janeway squared off.

"Captain, perhaps I can offer an alternative," Tuvok offered. "With your permission, I am willing to perform a mind meld with the Chief Examiner so that she may see for herself the events that occurred."

Janeway was shaking her head. Having Tuvok experience her worst memories had been bad enough and coupled with however many people had bought them before Guill's untimely death, she felt that she had been exposed enough for one shore leave. She wasn't about to contribute them again voluntarily and especially not to this woman who already thought herself morally superior.

"Captain, I will censor your more personal moments," Tuvok assured her. "She will only see the criminal acts that took place."

Chakotay turned to Janeway, understanding why she was balking. He wasn't too keen on the idea either, knowing that he was included in Kathryn's memory as well, but it was the only way they would ever be believed. "Captain…she needs to know."

Glancing at the woman in question, Janeway exhaled slowly before giving Tuvok a curt nod of consent. "Show her."

* * *

The stars were once again streaking by as Kathryn gazed absently out the viewports of her quarters. They'd left the Mari homeworld hours earlier, and she had not been sorry to see it go. She glanced down at the desk top where she rested her elbows and saw the several scattered PADDs that she had discarded without actually reading. She sighed and looked out towards the stars again, not remotely interested in reading Seven's report concerning ghost readings that were appearing in the astrometric sensors.

The chime for her door sounded, and she immediately glanced down to make sure that one of the PADDs was at least activated. "Come in."

Chakotay stepped through the sliding doors, carrying a PADD in his hand. She grimaced, "Whatever it is, I don't want it."

He smiled, glancing at her covered desktop. "Tuvok's final report concerning the Mari."

Janeway pushed away from the desk, letting her head rest against the back of her chair. "Let me guess, we destroyed their crime statistics reporting for the year."

"More like the decade."

Closing her eyes, she pinched the bridge of her nose. "I guess they were as happy to see us go as we were to leave. What was the final damage?"

"For us or for them?" he asked.

She dropped her hand to her lap and opened her eyes, raising an eyebrow at him silently.

"Thirty-four instances of violence on the planet that required action from the local constable force, but an untold number of skirmishes that likely went unreported."

"Meaning, there's an untold number of precisely how many of our crew had their memories violated," she surmised.

Chakotay nodded. "The last available count of Voyager crewman showing up in memories of individual Marins undergoing the anagrammatic purge was twenty-seven."

Janeway frowned at the mention of the purging. "Twenty-seven," she muttered, getting to her feet. "And that's just the ones we know about."

"We'll probably never know precisely how many of our crew were affected," he continued, "just like we'll never know how many people on the planet bought violent memories but were able to keep control of themselves."

She crossed to the replicator, ordering a coffee and a tea. "Did they find out anything more from Malin?"

He accepted the tea with a nod of appreciation. "Thanks to his anagrammatic transcription, the authorities were able to identify the other three men in the hotel room as well as the doctor that put the memory blocks in place on us." He took a sip of the hot drink before continuing. "They were all taken into custody for counseling and rehabilitation."

Janeway muttered under her breath, "And she questioned why we had a brig."

Chakotay hid his smile and pretended not to hear her last comment. "The 'doctor' assured our EMH that he hadn't done anything permanent to us and that the memory blocker would eventually wear off. He claims that we were the only two he had any interaction with."

Janeway looked at him skeptically, and he shrugged slightly. "From what the other men recounted, it's true. Most of the memories they collected over the two nights were from incidental contacts with our crew or while our crew were sleeping. Apparently, you and I were the only ones they went after…aggressively."

In the low light of her quarters, Chakotay didn't quite catch Kathryn's facial expression as she turned away from him, but the way her shoulders hunched slightly at his last statement was a dead giveaway of her discomfort. Without her offering, he took a seat in one of the end chairs and watched her for a few moments as she studiously avoided looking at him by gazing out the viewport instead.

"Was there anything else?" she asked before taking a sip of her coffee.

"Not really."

Kathryn frowned at the viewport before facing him, only to frown more at his amused expression. "What?"

Leaning forward, placing his elbows on his knees, he asked, "Are you really going to make me wait until the memory blocker wears off?"

Tucking a strand of hair behind one ear, she hesitated before mumbling, "Nothing happened."

He grinned more openly, not believing her for an instant. "I was in my underwear…" he began pointedly,  
"in a hotel room…with you–"

"_Nothing_…happened," she reiterated.

"And all _you_ had on was–" he continued, stopping only when she held up a threatening finger at him.

"Don't."

"Come on, Kathryn, just tell me," he tried cajoling her. "I'm going to remember eventually."

Her eyes narrowed.

"If you don't tell me, I'm going to have to ask Tuvok."

She smirked at that. "Go ahead. He won't tell you anything."

"You're probably right." Chakotay nodded agreeably. "Guess I'll just have to let my imagination run with it. Now…what could have possibly happened that left me in nothing but my underwear–"

"I was _alone _on the bed…while you were on the _floor_. Why don't you let your imagination sort that one out?" she said sarcastically.

Chakotay found it encouraging that she wasn't completely shutting down about the subject, and that she was actually teasing him back. "I was probably just being a gentleman."

She snorted, taking the seat across from him. "Or maybe, I kicked you off."

"So," he smiled wide, letting his dimples deepen, "we _were_ on the bed together."

Her smile was tight. "Only in your dreams, Chakotay."

"Every damn night, Kathryn."

Her mouth dropped open slightly at his admission, and slightly at the way he continued to hold her eye before her face reddened and she looked away from him, reaching for her coffee cup.

When she said nothing and looked away from him, he thought for sure he'd gone too far. Pushed when he should have pulled back. And now the only thing left for him to do was make an awkward retreat before it got worse than it already was. Escape before one of them had to say something, acknowledging the impossibility of the situation.

So he did. Grabbing his now-empty cup, he got to his feet, ready to make excuses that he needed to call it an early night when she spoke.

"We kissed."

He stopped.

She looked up at him, her blue gaze for once betraying her complete uncertainty. "And it was my fault."

* * *

.

.

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stay tuned cause there's no way we're done yet! ;)


	10. Chapter 10

Note: It's the weekend, so my post schedule is a bit off. If you think this chapter is a bit short...I'll make it up to you with the next post. ;)

* * *

_"It was my fault."_

Chakotay seriously doubted the validity of Kathryn's last statement. If they had indeed kissed, he was quite sure that he had been nothing but cooperative. Moving carefully, he sat back down. "Why would you say that?"

Kathryn fidgeted for a moment before getting to her feet and pacing the short distance to her desk and back. Chakotay settled into his seat, accustomed to waiting for her to sort through her thoughts before she spoke.

Stopping almost in front of him, she folded her arms across her chest, and looked more at her feet than at him. "Guill was only after me. The only reason you became involved at all is because you happened to be with me when I went down to the planet."

Chakotay absorbed her statement and found it to be completely plausible, but he was actually happy that he had at least been with her in some capacity when Guill had taken her prisoner.

At his lack of verbal response to her statement, her head raised, eyes locking on his. "Well?"

He chuckled at her indignation. "Well, what, Kathryn?"

Her arms dropped from across her chest, her hands settling on her hips. "Don't minimize this, Chakotay," she snapped. "You were only ever in danger because of me."

He sighed, knowing that in her mind this was a failure on her part. "Why don't you just tell me what happened, Kathryn?"

For a moment he thought she was going to continue to fight him on it just for sheer principle's sake, but she deflated after only a minute of trying to stare him into capitulation. Her hands dropped completely to her sides, and she sank heavily into the chair across from him, letting her head fall back against the cushion.

He waited a couple of minutes before prompting her. "What happened the first night?"

She raised her head and shrugged at him. "It wasn't really the first night that was so bad. They weren't exactly sure of themselves, and you arriving with me took them by surprise."

_Guill and an older man were clearly uncomfortable as Janeway and Chakotay approached them in the trade center._

"_I feel like I'm crashing a party," Chakotay mumbled only loud enough for her to hear him._

_She glanced up at him with a look that signaled her agreement before raising her voice. "Mister Guill, I'd like to introduce you to my first officer, Commander Chakotay."_

_The older man appeared nonplussed, but Guill stumbled slightly as he greeted the commander. "A pleasure, I'm sure." He indicated a doorway a few meters away. "The trader I told you about is going to meet us in my office."_

"_Oh." Janeway glanced at the older man at Guill's side. "Then you aren't__–__"_

"_No," the older man said smoothly. "You can just call me Doc."_

"_Are you a medical practitioner?" Chakotay asked, feeling increasingly glad about accompanying his captain. _

_Doc chuckled darkly. "Sure, you could say that."_

_Guill coughed and motioned towards his office, covering the uncomfortable moment. "Captain, if you'll join me."_

_With the slight nod of her head, Janeway indicated that Chakotay would be joining them in the office and they all moved together, with Doc walking several steps behind them. Upon passing through the doorway, Guill moved quickly to pour several glasses of the planet's red ale. "Let's have a drink together before we begin."_

_Reluctantly, the command team accepted the glasses being pressed into their hands, but neither of them moved to consume the alcohol. Janeway gestured with the hand holding the glass. "Forgive me, Mister Guill, but I prefer to remain clearheaded before negotiating."_

_Guill ignored her, looking past her to where Doc was standing behind the command team. Chakotay turned, just as the older man clapped both of them on the shoulder. "__**Drink**__ and enjoy the best ale Mari has to offer."_

_With only the briefest hesitation, both Janeway and Chakotay raised their glasses to their mouths, quickly draining the contents. Guill stood ready to pour refills as soon as they'd finished._

"_Have another," Doc intoned even as Janeway began to refuse, and immediately, she obediently held her glass out to be refilled. _

_.  
_

"Well that explains the alcohol at least," Chaktoay commented, handing Kathryn a new cup of coffee.

"Yes, well from what little I could find out that so-called doctor is apparently rare among Marins. There's very few of them that have the telepathic skill to actually influence people's actions and even fewer who have any desire to use that ability the way he did," she explained, anger infusing her words.

"So they plied us with alcohol to…soften us up?" he asked.

Kathryn nodded. "From what I understand. Guill wasn't entirely sure Doc could handle us so he wanted to add in the use of alcohol. Turns out it really wasn't necessary, but he didn't know that at the time."

"So then what happened?"

"Malin and Frane showed up, and Guill made up some excuse that the trader wanted to meet over at the hotel instead. We took some sort of ground transport over, and Doc was focusing on me so much that he almost forgot about you." She snorted slightly. "Their entire operation was almost over before it started."

_The party of six walked through the extravagant open-air hotel lobby, passing by the hotel bar that was in full swing with some live performing musical group. Guill motioned towards the stairs that led up to the rooms level. "This way, Captain."_

"_Captain," Chakotay began, stopping the procession as Janeway turned to face him, with Doc still under the pretense of guiding her, holding onto her arm, "can I have a word, please?"_

"_Sure," she said, taking another sip from the glass of ale she still held in her free hand, "what's the matter?"_

_Guill looked nervously to Frane and Malin before addressing Janeway. "Captain, we don't want to keep my contact waiting. Perhaps your officer would like to stay down here and have a drink."_

"_Oh no," Chakotay argued, stepping possessively towards Kathryn. "I go with her, but first I'd like to talk to her for a moment. Alone."_

_Frane smirked, crowding in on Chakotay. "We aren't going anywhere."_

"_Now, hold on." Kathryn pulled away from Doc, accepting Chakotay's outstretched hand. "You don't tell us__–__"_

"_Hey, Captain! Commander!" _

_Tom and B'Elanna came spilling out of the entrance to the bar, laughing and hanging on to each other with Ayala following close behind them. B'Elanna gestured over her shoulder. "You guys here for the music?"_

"_Harry's going to be sorry he missed this!" Tom said, raising his glass in salute to Janeway before swallowing another mouthful of ale. _

_Ayala seemed to be the only sober one of the three, and he eyed the two men flanking Chakotay skeptically. "Everything all right here, Commander?"_

_Blocked from Ayala's view, Doc had managed to move close enough to put a discrete hand on both Chakotay and Janeway._

_Chakotay tucked Kathryn's hand more securely into his arm and in plain sight of the three officers. "Everything's fine. We're just here on some business."_

_B'Elanna laughed appreciatively and tried winking at them. "Business. Right."_

_Tom nodded enthusiastically. "Well good luck with that…business. We're just going to…go back in then." He nudged Ayala in the ribs. "Come on, Mike! They've got __**business**__ to take care of."_

_Ayala eyed the group for another moment, giving Malin his full attention before slowly turning and following the staggering couple back towards the roaring music._

"_Just get them upstairs!" Guill hissed._

_.  
_

"And we went up to one of the rooms that the desk clerk gave Guill the key to," Kathryn explained. "Guill took two memories from me and a couple from you. Frane and Malin came and went, as well as the other two men we saw the next night. I assume they were out stealing other memories. The alcohol was beginning to wear off, and we were both becoming more aggressive in our struggles so Guill called it a night."

Chakotay frowned at her incomplete explanation. "So, is that when he had the memory blocker put on us?"

"Yes," she nodded. "Doc said something about wanting to 'play' with us first, but Guill wouldn't let him. He didn't seem happy about that, but he went along with it. He approached me first, putting his hands on my head." She shook her head as she remembered the sensation. "It was all a mental thing that took a few minutes of him building up some sort of mental wall in my mind. Then he gave me the suggestion to go back to my quarters on the ship. I can only assume he did the same to you and gave you similar instructions."

Chakotay thought about that for a minute remembering how horrible he'd felt that first morning when he'd woken up in his quarters still wearing his uniform. "And Tom and B'Elanna don't remember any of that?"

"No." she shook her head. "I haven't talked to Ayala, though. He didn't seem to have had as much to drink, so he might remember."

"I'll ask him, but I doubt it. He would've mentioned it by now. I think Mike can just hold his liquor better."

"I almost hope he doesn't remember," she admitted. "I'm sure he'd blame himself."

"Those three would also think they'd won the betting pool."

"That, too."

"So for the rest of the crew, it really was just the alcohol that caused the lack of memory?" Chakotay asked.

"Appears so," Kathryn nodded.

"I'm still confused about one thing," Chakotay admitted after a few minutes had passed.

"_One_ thing?" she replied, trying to inject a small bit of humor into the situation.

"When did we kiss, and how was it your fault?"


	11. Chapter 11

Note: You remember way back in chapter 1 when I said we may get close to M rated territory...I really don't think we do but felt as though I should at least put the reminder/warning out there.

* * *

_"When did we kiss, and how was it your fault?"_

Kathryn colored slightly at his question before clearing her throat. "Yes…well, we hadn't…yet."

He gestured impatiently for her to continue.

She huffed out a breath of air before relenting. "The second night started out similar to the first as maybe you remember."

"You asked me to join you in meeting Guill, and we were going down to the planet," he nodded.

"We did, and we followed him again into his office. But Doc wasn't there yet, and things got a bit…rowdy."

"Rowdy?"

It was her turn to nod. "Guill had all of his cronies waiting for us in his office, and we fought with them, but we were wholly outnumbered," she grimaced. "Long story short, we were subdued and once again subjected to Guill siphoning off our memories in that hotel room."

Her tone reflected how thoroughly disgusted she was with what had happened to them, and it frustrated him to no end that he didn't remember anything past the transporter room. He knew he would remember…eventually, but that was little comfort to him at the moment. "I'm so sorry, Kathryn."

Her eyes locked with his. "You did nothing wrong, Chakotay."

"That's easy enough for you to say." He was feeling so agitated he got to his feet. "I was _with_ you, and I couldn't manage to protect you, and now I can't even offer you my support because I don't _know_ what happened down there."

She stared in shock at him from her seated position on the couch. She'd been so caught up in her own irritation, his level of frustration took her momentarily by surprise. Slowly, her face melted into a crooked smile. "You _tried_, Chakotay."

.

_All Kathryn could hear was Owen Paris screaming. Screams that felt like they had been going on for hours. The hot tears that streaked down her face shamed her, but she couldn't stop them. Just like she couldn't stop the torture being wrought on the admiral. "Stop it! Please! You're hurting him!"_

"_Kathryn! __**Kathryn!**__" _

_A different voice echoed in her memory, a familiar voice that was actually drowning out the screams. She looked around._

"_Get your hands off her!"_

_Kathryn knew that voice. It was Chakotay. He was yelling for her, but he hadn't been with her__–_

_And then she was back in the hotel room, her senses reeling as more than one body collided into her, and she fell in a tangle of arms and legs to the floor. People were shouting, and she actually got hit in the mouth by someone's elbow before she was completely aware of her surroundings. _

_The Mari homeworld. Guill. A hotel room. Chakotay._

_Chakotay. _

_That's when she realized what the fighting was about. Chakotay had regained consciousness to find Guill holding her trapped in a memory. She could easily imagine what had happened next and was only surprised that Chakotay had managed it so successfully. In one rush, he'd managed to tackle Guill and the two men that had been restraining her._

_The group of people piled on top of her were all wrestling with each other, and for one brief second, Chakotay's face filled her view as the uncoordinated brawl began to shift away from his favor. His wild, angry eyes were only inches away from hers, but she could easily see the concern in them for her. Before she could reassure him that she was all right, Malin latched onto him from behind and dragged him backwards. She struggled to help him, but strong hands latched onto her as well, dragging her roughly to her feet._

"_Get him under control!" Guill snapped, wiping blood from the corner of his mouth. "Damn it, Doc, do something!"_

"_No!" Janeway yelled, struggling against the hold Frane's beefy arms had around her midsection. _

_Doc smirked at her even as he moved towards her first officer, and his inattention gave Chakotay the perfect opening. Ignoring the chokehold Malin had on his neck, Chakotay lashed out with his legs, tripping up the doctor and crashing him against the door. _

"_Enough!" Guill yelled, brandishing the knife Malin had used earlier before pointing it at Janeway's neck. "Stand down, Commander."_

_Chakotay immediately ceased his struggles, and the room was filled only with the sound of everyone's heavy breathing._

_Doc snarled at Chakotay as he picked himself up. "You're going to pay for that."_

"_Back off, Doc!" Guill ordered, cursing as the comm. panel for the room beeped with an incoming message. He mashed the button to answer it. "What?"_

_Guill listened for a moment as the desk clerk worriedly told him that there were people asking questions and that he'd gotten noise complaints about their room. Guill snarled, "Just shut up and do as you're told, and you'll get what I promised you."_

_The hotel clerk wasn't satisfied though and kept repeating himself and telling Guill that he needed some security that they weren't going to get caught. Guill seemed to calm himself. "Fine, I'm coming down, just shut up before someone hears you." He switched off the comm. and pointed at Doc. "Just keep them quiet. I'll be right back."_

_The door had barely closed behind Guill as he left the room when Doc leered at Kathryn. "Finally. I thought he'd never leave."_

_._

Kathryn paused in her recounting of events, and Chakotay could tell she was extremely uncomfortable about what happened next. It worried him. Forcing himself to unclench his fists, he reached out and patted her knee, drawing her eyes to his. "It's okay, Kathryn. You can tell me anything."

She saw the growing concern in his eyes and tried to give him a reassuring smile. "It's nothing…bad, really. I mean, he didn't _do_ anything to me if that's what you're thinking."

Chakotay frowned. "Then what is it?"

She took a steadying breath in. "It's just…awkward."

.

"_Just keep him over there," Doc told Malin and the other guy, who were struggling to keep Chakotay under control. "I'll deal with him second."_

_Kathryn fought against Frane's grip, but with two men holding onto her, there wasn't much she could do. She glared at Doc as he approached her, knowing intuitively that, whatever he had in mind, she was not going to enjoy. She jerked her head to the side, trying to get the sweaty hand that was clamped over her mouth to slip off. Having learned his lesson from Chakotay, Doc eyed her legs cautiously as he moved closer to her. _

"_Just keep her still for another minute," Doc instructed and the two men strengthened their grip on her, practically squeezing the breath from her, and then she felt his hands on her. One latching onto her wrist and one reaching for her face. Kathryn rebelled at the contact, and her skin crawled at Doc's touch. She heard a grunt from the other side of the room, and her eyes found Chakotay's. He was desperately trying to get to her, to reach her, but then Doc held her complete attention._

"_There we go," he said quite soothingly, both hands now stroking her face. "That's it, Captain, just relax."_

_Kathryn's physical body caved into his suggestion__,__ her muscles relaxing and her body slumping against Frane's as he now had to hold her up. Her mind was still fighting, though, fighting against the suffocating blanket that was descending over her thoughts. She wanted to cry out, to demand that she be freed, but that one single voice inside her head was telling her to relax…that everything was going to be all right._

"_That's it, Kathryn," Doc soothed. "Everything is going to be fine. You trust me, don't you?"_

_She nodded._

"_Good. That's good." He nodded at Frane to release her. "You've had a long night, Kathryn. Would you like to sit down?"_

_She nodded again and allowed him to seat her in the chair, his hands never breaking contact with her. _

"_Now, Kathryn, I want you to listen to me. Chakotay's going to be here in a few minutes and I know there's something you've been wanting to say to him__–__" Doc's eyes fluttered slightly. "Yes, Kathryn, that's right. You're going to tell him everything, but first you're going to show him just how much you love him." He laughed quietly, his eyes still partially closed. "No, Kathryn, it's just going to be you and him here. No one else. This is your only chance. If you don't do it tonight…you'll never have another chance. Do you understand me?"_

_She nodded._

"_Good. That's a good girl. He'll be here in just a minute." Doc opened his eyes and tilted her chin up so she was looking at him. "Hold nothing back, Kathryn."_

_She nodded and he let go of her, giving Frane a sick smile before turning to Chakotay. "And you…you really do love her don't you?"_

_Chakotay bucked and snarled against the hold the men had on him, but he got nowhere as Doc approached him, reaching out a hand. As he made contact, Doc sneered, "Too bad for you."_

_The connection was much more direct, harder as Doc stared into Chakotay's slack face, giving him instructions, reiterating them more forcefully as the Commander actually shook his head at him once before nodding his compliance. _

_Doc rapped Chakotay's face and smiled at him. "Good. Now…call for her." _

_Malin released him and he straightened, tugging his uniform tunic back into place. "Kathryn?"_

_Janeway's head raised at the sound of his voice, and her face broke into a wide smile at the sight of him. She stood and crossed the room to where he was standing and without hesitation threw her arms around him, pulling his head down to hers, crushing her mouth against his with an intensity everyone in the room felt._

_Malin whistled appreciatively when Chakotay's arms wrapped around the woman's small frame and hauled her up against his body. He nudged the Doc. "Are they going to give us the whole show?"_

"_Of course," he answered, his dark eyes never leaving the couple._

_The kiss broke off as Janeway pushed back from him, reaching up to the neck of her jacket and undoing it, letting it slide off her shoulders. Chakotay reached for her waist, untucking the bottom edge of her shirts and pulling the turtleneck slowly up over her head. _

_Frane clapped encouragingly, clearly enjoying the show. "I thought you wanted to punish this guy, Doc; it doesn't look like much punishment to me."_

_Chakotay's jacket hit the floor, and Doc smiled knowingly. "It will be. After he fucks her and she's bared her soul to him…he's going to reject her." He laughed darkly. "It'll destroy both of them."_

_Malin and Frane exchanged a glance, then shrugged and went back to watching the two would-be lovers. The small woman had made a lot of progress as he was already standing bare-chested in front of her, his head thrown back as her mouth placed a searing trail of wet kisses down his chest. Her hands were at his waist, undoing his pants when his hands caught hold of hers. _

_Breathing heavily, he looked down at her and slowly shook his head. "Your turn."_

_Kathryn smiled impishly at him and tugged her hands free from his, putting them on the bottom hem of her tank top, but he stopped her again with a shake of his head. She raised an eyebrow at him and dropped the shirt. Chakotay sank to his knees in front of her, his hands stroking from her hips all the way down her legs, stopping only to tug off her boots and socks. _

_Kathryn grabbed at his shoulders for balance, knowing she was completely lost once his hands snaked back up to her waist and she felt her pants tighten slightly before being tugged down and off her hips. She now had only a very thin piece of cloth between herself and his wonderfully talented tongue, which was at the moment tracing deliciously hot circles on the inside of her thigh and moving steadily upwards. She gasped when she felt his nose nudge against her, his hot breath fanning her flames higher through the material. _

_But he was wearing entirely too much clothing to her way of thinking, and with a sound she hadn't even known she was capable of making she managed to push him away and pull him back to his feet. He wanted to claim her mouth again and briefly managed it, his tongue tangling with hers, but she refused to be distracted from her task. Tearing her mouth away from his, Kathryn's hands worked at the clasp on his pants, and he happily toed off his boots and socks to help her out. _

_The feel of her delicate fingers sliding past his straining erection as she moved to her knees was almost too much, and rather than let her linger, he pulled her back to her feet as soon as he stepped out of the pool of clothing at his feet. His mouth crushed down on hers as his hands snaked under her shirt, sliding up her back. _

_The door to the room slammed open._

"_What the hell is going on?" Guill thundered, shoving inside from the hallway, startling everyone with his sudden reappearance. "Have you all lost your minds?"_

"_Have you?" Malin complained, gesturing to the amorous couple. "They were just getting to the best part!"_

_Guill shoved the dazed looking command team apart, picking up one of the discarded uniform jackets and throwing it at Frane in disgust. "The best part! Do you think they won't notice in the morning that they've had sex?"_

_Frane threw the jacket onto the chair. "So what if they do? What do we care?"_

_Guill kicked at the clothes on the floor, scattering them. "Haven't you learned anything the past two days? These people, especially her," he pointed at Janeway, who still looked utterly confused at the interruption, "keep strict control over themselves when it comes to that. They're far too inhibited to just have a random fuck with each other and not think twice about it the next day."_

_Frane shrugged, still not seeing the problem._

"_She'll wonder. She'll think. She'll __**investigate**__! And believe me, that is not what we need right now! What we need is for this to go away." Guill glared at Doc, knowing he was the one responsible. "Clean this up. Now."_

"_No," Doc snarled._

"_What did you just say?" Guill asked, turning on him. "Do it…or you won't get paid."_

"_Keep your money," Doc smirked. "I'll get a lot more satisfaction from the two of them then I will from the small paycheck you're offering."_

_Guill roared and grabbed Doc by the front of his shirt, throwing him against the wall. "You're going to ruin everything! Just put the fucking memory blocker in place!"_

"_Or what?" Doc sneered._

_Guill recovered himself. "Or when the constable force comes knocking, I'll point them in your direction!" _

"_The constable force?" Malin asked worriedly. "What are you talking about, Guill?"_

_Guill pushed off from Doc. "A fight broke out in the bar downstairs. We've only got a few minutes left to clear out of here before they arrive, but if Doc here doesn't make these two forget what happened here tonight, they'll be able to tell the Chief Examiner everything about us."_

"_Fuck you, Guill!" Doc growled, pushing past him, moving towards Chakotay. _

_.  
_


	12. Chapter 12

Note: In case you haven't figured it out...at heart, I'm a J/Cer :)

* * *

Silence reigned in the captain's quarters long enough that Chakotay looked up to see Kathryn staring, unseeing, at the coffee table. "Kathryn?"

She jerked her head up, the color of her eyes dark and menacing when they met his, but she offered no response to his questioning tone.

He tried holding her gaze, feeling a bit of relief that she was finally showing some emotion in reaction to the events. She had related everything that had happened with such a blank, indifferent tone, he had started becoming concerned. Even her description of their apparent first kiss had been delivered in a monotone that had rather stung his ego, but it was only when she had paused that he felt any true indication at all to her emotional state.

He spread his hands. "Was there anything else?"

She practically snarled as she pushed to her feet with an explosion of angry energy. As she paced away from him, he sat back, wanting to give her room, but she stopped abruptly at the threshold of her bedroom, her hands coming up to rest on the frame of the doorway. "I didn't…" her entire body seemed to shudder slightly, "Doc approached you…and I just…stood there."

Chakotay stood, ducking under her arm and circling past her so that he was in front of her. He cupped her chin, gently forcing her to look up at him. "Kathryn, I'm here. I'm fine."

The fury that had lit up her eyes moments before had vanished and been replaced with anguish. "You _collapsed_…to the floor." She turned away from him. "That _bastard_ could have killed you…and I would have just been _standing_ there…_allowing_ it to happen!"

Mind control or not, it was impossible for Chakotay to think that Kathryn actually stood there and watched one of her crew, especially him if he was being completely honest, get dropped to the floor and she not react. "How many of them did it take to hold you back?"

She whirled around to face him. "What?"

He shrugged. "I fell to the floor…and then you reacted…so what happened?"

Kathryn's mouth opened and closed twice before she sighed and brought her hand up to rub the bridge of her nose. "I got my hands around Doc's throat before they managed to pull me off."

Feeling both thrilled and terrified for her, he shook his head in amazement. "Kathryn…they could have killed you. What were you thinking?"

She shrugged. "I don't know, really." At his questioning look, she tried to explain. "The mind meld with Tuvok…it allowed me to see my memories, but the block is still in place. I don't…the emotions I felt at the time those things happened…I don't have those yet."

Chakotay frowned. "I didn't know that."

A throaty chuckle escaped her. "Chakotay, do you really think I could sit here and tell you about everything that happened between us so easily if I remembered how it _felt_ to have you undress me? How it felt to _kiss_ you?"

Her voice was almost a whisper when she shook her head with a faint smile at his misconstrued belief that she hadn't been affected.

He was stunned. He could hear it in her voice. The same longing that he constantly felt for her. The same _desire_.

And the same disappointment that their first kiss had been under such regrettable conditions. She had been so dispassionate a few moments before he'd been convinced she hadn't cared, but now–

Kathryn cleared her throat. "So, anyway, my attacking Doc kind of broke some of their emotional controls. They started fighting amongst themselves, and then Guill got the signal from the front desk that the constables had arrived. The only reason Doc took the time to put a blocker on me at all was to save his own skin. They cleared out as soon as he was done and that's why we were left in our…state of undress." She shifted uncomfortably. "And you know what happened next."

Yes, he knew. He remembered that part quite clearly. He'd woken up to the sound of Tuvok's voice, but then he'd heard her. And then he'd _seen_ her. The sheet she had hastily but not carefully wrapped around herself had given him quite an eyeful first thing that morning. Despite how their circumstances had turned out, it had been, in his mind, a favorable view to wake up to.

"Chakotay, say something."

He started. He'd been so lost in thought he hadn't realized she'd been waiting for him to respond.

Uncomfortably and impatiently waiting for him to respond.

"Sorry, but let me see if I have this straight," he said, watching her carefully. "You basically just watched yourself go through everything that happened, but you don't know how any of it felt at the time."

"Yes."

"So you don't know how it _felt_," he moved closer to her, "when I kissed you."

"No," she breathed, "I only know how it felt to watch you kiss me."

He moved into her personal space and could actually see her stiffen slightly. "Were we this close to each other?"

A borderline nervous chuckle escaped her. "No. We were a bit closer."

Chakotay didn't move. "How did you feel?"

Her eyes flew up to meet his. She'd been so busy concentrating on not backing away from him that he'd caught her off guard. "What?"

Holding her gaze, he moved closer to her, forcing her to tilt her head back if she wanted to keep looking at him.

She didn't disappoint.

"How did you feel," he began softly, "when you watched me kiss you?"

"Jealous," she breathed.

It was only one word, but he could hear the soft tremor in her voice. Taking his time, he reached one hand up to the side of her face and tucked her hair behind her ear. "And how did you feel when Guill pushed us apart?"

His hand traced over her cheekbone, and Kathryn felt her eyes close partially as she leaned into his touch. "Disappointed."

Chakotay leaned down, his mouth teasingly close to her ear, "And how would you feel if I kissed you right now?"

His hot breath tickled over the sensitive spot behind her ear, and Kathryn felt herself shiver. Turning her head slightly, her lips almost brushing his, she found his eyes. Even in the low light of her quarters, she could see them clearly. They were dark and passionate, but she could see how much love he held for her, and despite the strength of that love, she could also see how vulnerable he was to her. If she backed away from him right now, if she insisted on maintaining their status quo…he'd let her.

She leaned back just enough that she could wrap her arms around his neck. "In the memory…_I_ kissed_ you_."

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Epilogue will be up later tonight!


	13. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

The sound of soft snoring had Chakotay blinking his eyes open. Lifting his head slightly, he saw a mane of red hair spread across his chest. He dropped his head back to the pillow, laughing silently at the new-found knowledge that Kathryn snored. She grumbled against his shaking chest before turning over and snuggling face-down into her pillow beside him. Trying to move without disturbing her again, he turned onto his side. Her head was turned away from him, her hair fanned out on the pillow, and he couldn't help but appreciate how low the sheet had slipped down her back when she'd turned. Her arms snaked underneath the pillow and were mostly hidden from view, but he was able to drink in the sight of her strong shoulders, her bare back, and the gentle curve of her breast as it pressed into the mattress. Although the pale ivory color of her skin was beautiful to him, he noticed that it wasn't flawless.

A thin, pink line ran diagonally along her lower back, starting out from her spine and angling towards her right hip. Her soft snoring confirmed that she had fallen back asleep, and Chakotay traced one finger lightly along the scar, wondering how she got it and why she still had it. It was something that could easily be taken care of by a dermal regenerator. Looking closer, he saw two other places that were marks of some sort of personal history of hers that he'd never known about. Three small circles grouped together on her right shoulder blade and another thin line on her neck that disappeared into her hair. He traced his finger along each one, reminded again at how little he knew about her past.

"I don't suppose," she said huskily, "that you're tracing my freckles?"

His hand jumped when she spoke, but he didn't remove it. "I hadn't gotten to your freckles, yet."

"Pity." Kathryn turned her head on the pillow so that she was looking at him. "If you start tracing all of them, I'm sure to get a nice massage out of it."

"What are these, Kathryn?" he asked gently, pushing her hair up and leaning forward so he could follow the scar on her neck.

"Memories," she answered quietly before turning onto her side to face him. She used his hand to draw the sheet up underneath her arm. "Things that I don't want to forget."

"Like what?" he asked, genuinely curious.

She didn't answer right away, choosing instead to trace her finger against the stubble on his jaw and smiling faintly when he caught hold of her hand. "Can I tell you about them later?"

He'd thought for a second that she was simply trying to distract him, but he'd seen the pain that had surfaced in her eyes while she'd considered her answer. He brought her hand to his mouth and kissed her fingertips before releasing it. "I hope that you will."

She smiled at his answer. "I will, but they just aren't things I want to think about right now."

He lapsed into silence, enjoying her touch as she traced her hand down his arm and across the planes of his chest. He'd never quite given up hope that they would someday reach this point in their relationship, but he had never given real thought to the circumstances which would lead them here. He had just rather assumed that one day it would happen. He should've known that, like all things that had happened to them since their journey in the Delta Quadrant began, their relationship would naturally start only under the most unique of circumstances.

"A renn for your thoughts, Commander," she said, drawing his attention back to her.

"You traded in all of your renn when we left the Mari homeworld," he reminded her.

She smiled crookedly in acknowledgment of his point. "A ration, then."

He grinned. "Do you actually have any of those left, the way you've been going through coffee the past three days?"

She raised an eyebrow and moved so that she was leaning over him. "Tell me…what you were thinking."

At the feel of her pressed against him under the sheet, Chakotay no longer remembered what he had been thinking. He just shook his head. "Random thoughts."

"About me?" she asked.

"Undoubtedly."

She smirked and leaned down closer to him, her hair falling forward and tickling the sides of his face. "Well…that's more than enough thinking for one morning."

Chakotay agreed wholeheartedly as her mouth captured his and all thought left him.

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Thank you weary readers for sticking with me! I hope you enjoyed it! :)


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